Ungracious Host

I haven't been writing here for a while, because everything has been going pretty smoothly up to this point.

Spane has a friend, Leo, that he likes very much. Leo and he are the same age. He also has a friend named Mateo, that he also likes. Mateo is also an only child, and is a year younger than Spane. So, I thought it would be nice if we could have a Kid's Christmas party, and Spane invited Leo and Mateo and Noelle. He also invited David G. and his sister, Helen, but they couldn't make it.

When Mateo's mother dropped him off, she warned him that he had to do everything I said, and that he had to be a good boy.  I wondered at the time why she would say something like that because Mateo is such a sweet boy.

Everything was going just fine until Mateo took Spane's Lego helicopter and started playing with it, without asking Spane's permission first. Spane got very upset. I told him he was not being a nice host, and then I got all the kids together, and told Mateo that we really liked him, but could he please ask before he used something. Mateo apologized but, Spane would not accept the apology.  Mateo kept playing with the Lego helicopter.

He actually managed to scare both Leo and Mateo with screaming and accusing.  Poor Mateo had to hide in the bathroom.    Both Noelle and Zeik tried to reason with him, but to no avail.

Finally, John arrived and I thought maybe things would get better.  Instead they got worse.  He started hitting John, and kicking me.  Finally, while Amber took hold of his feet, John took hold of his arms and tried to calm him down.  I went inside to tell Mateo that I was going to call his mother to pick him up - but that it was not his fault.

Leo's mother arrived and took Leo home.  I don't think that Leo will ever be coming over here again.  Spane was so horrible.  If I were Leo's mother, I would not let my child come around Spane at all - and I told Spane that.

After everyone but John left, he kept on going on about how bad a parent I am and how he wants new parents.  He slammed the bathroom door repeatedly. At one point I asked him how he would feel if he had a parent that beat him all the time, was drunk all the time, and yelled at him all the time, that left him alone, didn't feed him much.  He said that even though I wasn't any of those things, I might as well be because I was such a bad parent.  The last thing he said to me was that my Christmas present sucked.  John asked me what I was getting him for Christmas and I said, "Not a damned thing."

I mean it, too.  I'll put things under the tree from Santa, but there will be nothing from Mommy.

I'm sitting here typing this.  He's playing with John, still not quite right, still angry, but much calmer than earlier. He has not apologized, or even acknowledged that he hurt me.  I'm very, very hurt.  I know I'm a good parent, and I know he loves me very much, and I know he thinks that I am a good mother.  But, what he said has hurt me to the quick.  I'm done.

A while later, Amber called me and asked if I still wanted to make the roll-out cookies.  I asked Spane if he wanted to, and he said, yes he did.  Then I told him that he needed to say he was sorry to a whole bunch of people.  I made him get on the phone and personally apologize to Mateo and Amber.  Then he apologized to me, and John.

Amber came back with Noelle and Mateo.  Spane and Mateo started at it again, and John told them both to stop.  Mateo wanted to spend the night at Amber's, and Spane wanted to as well.  The deal was that Spane and Mateo had to be nice to each other or Spane would have to stay home.

At one point, Amber took me aside and told me that she was watching Mateo push Spane's buttons.  I felt really bad, because all this time, I thought it was Spane being a bad host.  Now I know why Mateo's mother said what she said.  Apparently, Mateo gets attention by pushing buttons - that's not a good thing.  I feel terrible now, because Spane kept on saying that no one believed him.  I really was being a bad parent because I wasn't listening to my child enough.

I want to discuss this with Spane's therapist on Wednesday.  I want to see if there might be some kind of social skills or anger management class Spane could go to.  If he had been able to tell us what was really wrong, maybe some of this could have been avoided.  The other thing Spane needs to learn is how to deal with button pushers.  Hey, I'd take that class, too.  I've got very sensitive buttons myself.

The Douglas is a Dick Show

For those of you who have been following the Douglas is a Dick show, he called me tonight and bragged that he had just come back from Nevada, where he won a bunch of money, but he went shopping and spent it all. I just kept saying "that's nice", "that's nice".

Douglas is a Dick

Douglas is being a real dick. He's trying to scare me by saying that he's going to put Spane into foster care. That's his solution to not having to pay child support. Well, at least Spane has now seen what a true prick his father is. I think my next step might be a restraining order. That'll fix him!

Dinner with Douglas

Douglas told me that he would match me half way if I could come up with half of the money for the power bill.  Yesterday, I just paid it.  Of course, now I have no rent money.

Douglas called and said that he and Pauly wanted to take Spane to dinner at Elaina's.  I found it interesting that he didn't bother to ask me how he could be talking to me on the phone, considering my phone requires an Internet connection.

When we got to Elaina's Douglas finally asked me about the electricity situation.  I think he figured that if I had turned it on, he wouldn't have to give me any money.  He said that since I had already paid it, he had no intention of giving me any money at all.  Then he said he was happy that we would get evicted.

Spane started looking upset, and I tried to reassure him.  I told him that even if we had to more, it would still be okay, he'd probably go to a new school, and make new friends.  I was trying to put a positive drape over a potential disaster.

Spane got more upset, and went under the table.  That's what children so when they want to get away from unpleasant situations.  Pauly and Douglas kept telling him to sit back at the table, and said to leave Spane alone and let him deal with his emotions in his own way.  Finally, when Pauly threatened to leave, Spane got up and sat down.

When the food came, even though Spane was hungry, he picked at his food. He loves Elaina's chicken kabob, and he was just picking at it.  I could tell that he was upset, and then Douglas looks at him and asks:

"So what size tent do you want?  You're going to be homeless.  I'm going to make sure you are taken away from your mother and put into foster care."

That sent Spane over the edge.  I don't blame him, it sent me over the edge, too.  I took Spane's hand and told Pauly and Douglas that I was going to take him outside because he wasn't behaving right.

Of course, when we got outside, I hugged Spane and said he didn't do anything wrong, that I just had needed an excuse to get him out of there.  Spane was beside himself, crying and yelling that he hated his father, and never wanted to see him again.  I was tempted to take Spane home, but I knew if I did that I would never see money from Douglas, and I needed it to pay rent.

They finally came out, we got in the car, and drove back to our house silently.  When we got back to the house, Pauly whispered to me that Douglas had the money with him - I knew he did.  I said to Douglas:

"I've known you for 12 years, and in all that time you have never reneged on a promise.  You told me that you would meet me half way, are you now going to break your promise?"

Reluctantly, he handed me the money, then screamed that he would never see us again.

As Spane and I walked into the house, I said to myself, "On the contrary, you will be seeing me in court!"

Powerless

I can't believe this happened.  I forgot to pay the electric bill, and when I came home from dropping Spane off at school, the electricity was out.  Not only that, I won't get any money until the 2nd of December.  We're looking at four days of no power.

It's a good thing I have some kind of survivalist thinking.  I put all the perishables in Amber's refrigerator, and I'll probably be spending at lot of time over there, trying to get funds together before the 2nd.

Of course, Douglas is being of no help.  You know, if he had consistently given me some kind of child support, this wouldn't be happening.  I realize he doesn't have a regular job, but then he calls me and says that he's just come back from Tahoe, and won all this money -  or he just got through doing this big job, and has all this money.  None of it finds its way into our house, except for the occasional ice cream for Spane.  Well, it doesn't surprise me at all, after all this is the person who said that he was going to kill me and get Spane into foster care as soon as he was born.

Spane the Ladies Man

As I sit here typing this, Spane is next door with his friend, a little girl. He must like her a lot because:

• He gave her his scooter when hers was in the shop
• He gave her his bicycle to ride because hers is in the shop, so he's doing the scooter.
• Over heard him say "Come over to my house and see my cat." (See my etchings?)
• Impressed her saying "Watch how can drink all this milk in two seconds!" She was duly impressed.
• Didn't want to take a shower because he would not be able to make sure she was okay riding his bicycle.
• Puts up with playing girly stuffed animals with her.

Dad is Taking us to Dinner

Thursday, August 25, 2011, we were supposed to go to a small meeting for Organizing for America, but Douglas called and said that he and Pauly wanted to go to Josephina's. I'm sorry, but that is something I will just not pass up. I love the chicken, and I could eat that rice pilaf every day. Seriously.

When we got to the restaurant, I noticed that Douglas was a little quieter than usual. Pauly had his two cents to put in about how Spane's problem must be because he had fallen on his head. I calmly explained that:

1. Dandy Walker Syndrome is congenital (you're born with it)
2. Dandy Walker Syndrome is genetic (you get it from one of your parents)
3. Spane has not fallen on his head

After dinner, they took us home, and Spane was pretty good about going to bed on time, especially since he knew that Friday, August 26, 2011, we were going out with his Dad for Back to School shopping.

I should have known that Douglas being quiet like that was a portent of things to come.

And Now For Something Completely Different...

Here's the video of Rolo sleeping on the keyboard that Spane wanted her to see:

I Can't Take It Anymore

Dad Reassures Me

I went to sleep about 5:00 am this morning, thinking I could sleep in a little. How silly of me to think that! The phone rang at 7:45 and it was Douglas calling from Lake Tahoe. He wanted to know how everything was, and wanted to say that he was going to be getting Spane's back to school clothes. I told him about the Seroquel not working, and he said that his medication was like that, too. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. He wasn't happy to hear that news, but I told him I felt reassured.

We Make Waffles

When I woke Spane up at 10:30, and asked him what he wanted to breakfast, he said waffles, and I said that was fine. Then he fell asleep on the couch, and I didn't think about it until he started to complain about why they were not done. I told him that I had been waiting for him to wake up so he could help me, since he really likes to help make waffles. Finally after a lot of whining, he joined me in the kitchen and we made the waffles.

I made a large batch, thinking I could freeze some for school day breakfasts. I was going to just wrap them in waxed paper when I realized I had a Ziplock pump vacuum sealer and bags, just enough for the four pieces of waffle we had left over.

I have a blog, The Good Plate, that is becoming popular where I talk about the recipes I have made. I use my web cam, so I have to take the food to my desk if I want to take pictures or make videos. I have a white plastic table cloth that I put on top of the desk, and my pictures actually turn out pretty good.

So, I had the waffles with wax paper, and the vacuum bag, and the pump on top of the tablecloth. Spane came up and grabbed the pump and started to play with it. I told him to give it back to me because I was going to make a video, and he could help, but he refused to give it back. He pumped it over and over again, always keeping it just out of my reach. Then started trying to put it on Rolo, and that's when I lost it and actually yelled at him.

I finally got the thing away from him, and told him he was grounded. No bicycle, no television - only coloring or reading. Then I set up my stuff and made my video - with him whining all the way through it.

The sound was a disaster, and it made Spane laugh really hard. I haven't done anything else to the video because there were too many other things I had to do today. But, it made us smile again. I told Spane he could use his scooter since he was grounded for the bicycle.

Spane Finds a Nest

I was working on the computer when Spane came up to me and said that he had found a bug in the kitchen. My knife block is right by the front door, and sure enough there was a nest of beetles that were living under my knife block. I sprayed bleach on them, and washed everything on the counter in steaming hot water. Then I put eucalyptus drops to discourage any other bugs from coming into my kitchen.

I Have to Fix the Printer

My printer stopped communicating with my computer a few months ago. This was not a big deal to me, because I never have to print, and if I do want to print something, I print it to PDF and save it. After a lot of frustration, pulling on cords, reinstalling and rebooting, two hours later, I finally got the thing to work!

It was a really draining day, and I couldn't think of what to do for dinner. There was nothing in the freezer that looked appetizing or quick, but, there was a can of Chicken a la King in the cupboard that I prepared with fettuccine and Parmesan. It was really good!

Spane Starts Getting Strange

I should have realized the signs when Spane insisted and waiting to talk with the neighbor. He really likes Orlando, and they have conversations together. He's a nice man. When Spane came in, I told him he needed to clean up his toys in the living room. He immediately started complaining that it was too difficult, I always made him do everything, etc., etc.

He had a DVD and tape laying on the floor. I picked them both up and said if he didn't care about them, then I might as well throw them out. He tried to get them out of my hand, but I eventually got to the trash can. I had no intention of actually throwing them out, and I told him that since he did not know how to take care of his things, then he needed to lose them for a week. I put the stuff on the highest shelf in the kitchen.

That's when Spane really got mad and threw all his shoes at me. These were the shoes that John Farion bought, so he threw six shoes at me. Finally, I got away from him, and got to the phone. I started dialing 911, but he begged me not to do it.

The Headaches and Voices Are Really Bad, Mom

I told Spane that I couldn't take it anymore. It was just too much. I said that we had to do something, that he had to fight the voices. He said that if he didn't do what the voices said, his headaches just got much worse. It was really bad tonight, even though I gave him a 300mg Ibuprofen along with his 50 mg Seraquel after dinner.

I really don't know what to do at this point. I am afraid one of us is going to seriously hurt the other. Maybe I should go away at night, or maybe have someone here at night. I don't know, I just don't know.

Shit! - Seroquel is Not Working

Mom Feels Better

So, today, I felt better, and I actually got some stuff done on the computer. Spane sat and watched TV all day because he said that it was too hot to go outside. His doctor warned me that Seroquel might make Spane a little lethargic, but it was hot today.

Getting Ready for School

Spane wrote in his notebook that he was going to go to bed tonight at 9:30 because he knows school is starting soon. He showed it to me just before I said it was time to make dinner.

We Have Dinner

I made a nice dinner, Ham Steak with Blackberry Mustard Glaze, Mashed “Yams”, Southern Sweet Peas and Peaches Raleigh. Spane loved it, and especially liked the Peaches Raleigh. I gave him his Seroquel, two, and his pain medication at about 8:30, thinking that he would be nice and relaxed by the time he wanted to go to bed at 9:30.

It Isn't Working

We watched TV, and then I reminded Spane about going to bed at 9:30. I said he could stay up til 10:00, and he was okay with that.

About 11:00, when it was really time to go to bed, I said he needed to go to bed, and that's when he told me that the Seroquel was not working. He said that he was still hearing voices, and that the headaches were just as bad as before.

I know he's trying. He felt bad about spilling something on the floor today, so he washed both the kitchen and bathroom floors, by himself, without any help. He did a good job, but, he still didn't get tired.

It's 02:32 on Tuesday morning, August 23, 2011, and Spane is still awake, and does not seem to be getting sleepy. I have to call his doctor later this morning. This is not working!

Shit! I was so happy when I thought that the voices were gone! My poor baby! Shit! Shit! Shit!!!!!!!!!!

Mom is Sick

Mom Ate Something Bad

Friday afternoon, I ate some of a krab sandwich left over from Monday, and it tasted off, so I did not eat all of it. Good thing, because by 6:00am, I had the runs. I went back to bed, and got up at 9:30, and could not sit at the computer I felt so bad. So, I laid down on the sofa.

Spane is a Good Doctor

Spane was so sweet to me all day Sunday. Of course, that may have been because I let him sit on the computer and play his computer games most of the day.

We did not go to Mass because I was too sick, but I did talk to my therapist and got her caught up on what was going on with Douglas and Spane.

Spane Goes to Sleep

This was the first day that Spane was having both the Seroquels at night, and none during the day. Spane stayed on the computer til about 1:00am and then he went to sleep. I stayed on the couch, and drifted in and out.

Noelle's Birthday

Time to Clean the House

Douglas arrived Saturday morning, and complained that the house was not clean. I agreed, and showed him the beat up broom that belongs to Maria that I have to work with. My mop went out last week just before I was having the Obama people over, and it broke apart in my hand as I tried to clean the floor on my hands and knees.

So we went down to the local dollar store and found all the stuff I needed for under $20.00 - a nice new broom, a nice metal standing dust pan, a "Sham Wow" type cloth mop (great!), and best of all, a nice bucket specifically made for cloth mops.

I was so thrilled with my new cleaning supplies that when we got back, I immediately put on Mozart's Requiem and started cleaning. I mean I really scrubbed, bleached all the base boards, bleached all the surfaces, swept and washed all the floors.

While I was doing the kitchen and bathroom, Douglas had Spane get all the stuff that was on the living room floor up - mostly toys and pieces of paper that had gotten under things. There was only one large bag of trash, I was surprised. Half way through this, Noelle, the birthday girl, came over and helped Spane.

Time to Go to the Party

We all went over to the party across the street. Stevie was barbecuing, and Amber had great fun games for the kids.

Amber and I went back and got the star of the show, the cake. It really looked amazing as Amber had put gel on the waterfall part. I'll have pictures soon, I promise. Everyone had cake and really enjoyed it.

When everyone had eaten cake, presents were opened. Noelle was really excited that she got a Pillow Pet, and she liked the presents we made for her.

Back to Amber's

So, everyone went back to Amber's house after the party. Spane played with the other kids, and Douglas and I went and talked with the adults. We had a nice time, and then he left to go home.

Spane and I stayed a while longer, then Amber drove us home.

Remembering Ollie Hammond's

Back in the day, my friends and I used to go to Ollie Hammond's after the clubs and get breakfast. I remember Ollie Hammond's had these wonderful home fried made with red potatoes. When Spane and I got home from Amber's I asked him if he was hungry and he said he was ravenous. So, I whipped up some scrambled eggs with leeks and white cheddar, bacon and red potato home fries. We ate everything with gusto, and I gave Spane his Seroquel and pain medication.

Spane Had a Big Day

Spane had a big day, and he fell asleep on the couch. I woke him up, and we went to sleep together.

It was a nice day!

Shoes For School

Spane Gets Shoes

When John brought Spane home, we had an impromptu fashion show as Spane tried on the shoes that John had gotten for him. John got him a pair of sandals that he can wear for the rest of summer, black deck shoes with gray stars, and light brown lace up canvas shoes. All these shoes are wonderful because they will let Spane's feet breath - he has bad food odor. Pictures of the shoes are below.

Mom Ate Something Bad

While I was sitting here at the computer waiting for Spane to get home, I got hungry, and since it was Friday, and therefore no meat, I looked in the refrigerator, and there was a krab salad sandwich that Spane had not eaten on Monday. It tasted a little off, so I didn't eat all of it.

Mushrooms for Dinner

I had made stuffed mushrooms in the afternoon. The recipe is available for Stuffed Mushrooms in Wine Sauce is available at The Good Plate, and I served them with baked potatoes with all the fixin's, except bacon. We had a nice dinner.

Spane and I watched TV together, and I gave him his pain and "voices" medication. He said it wasn't working, and I'm sure he meant that the voices medicine, Seroquel, does not work for headache pain.

He did not want to go to sleep, but I told him he had to if he wanted to go to Noelle's party the next day, so he reluctantly toddled off to bed.

Two A Day - Count Down to Saturday

One for the Money...

So, today was the first day of one Seroquel in the morning, and one at night. I was surprised the Spane did not get tired in the morning.

We live near the Maple Park Community Center, and Spane wanted to go with the kids next door, but he needed permission from me. Amber came by to get some oil she needed to make the cake, and I was in the middle of making the marzipan figurines.

John Comes By

John came over this afternoon to pick up Spane because I have something to do with Josef Rotter tomorrow, Friday. Spane is going to spend the night at John's and come back tomorrow. Because I did some computer work for John, he is going to take Spane to a show place near him and get Spane shoes for school and the rest of the summer. Spane's sandals that we bought a little over a month ago are trashed!

Here Comes Daddy!

So, while I am talking with John, the phone rings and it is Douglas, and he wants to know if it's okay if he comes over, and I say yes. Spane is really happy about this because he had not seen his father for a few months. John is a little worried because he is going to be taking Spane away, and fears how Douglas will react.

Douglas reacted just fine. He came with Pauly, and Pauly sat on the couch and petted Rolo. Douglas and Spane went outside and played for a while, then it was time for Douglas to go, maybe an hour.

Douglas promised he could come by on Saturday for Noelle's birthday party, and he and Pauly left.

Spane Goes

I gave John Spane's medication and told him that Spane needed to have one Seroquel that night, and one in the morning. I also gave him a 300mg Ibuprofen for pain. Spane had his back pack packed up with jeans and a pajama bottom.

Spane and John left in time to get the next bus, and I went over to Amber's house to give her the marzipan ladies, and got a lesson in fondant. Her kids were over at another friends' house as well, so we had a very nice time.

Wow! A Math Genius!

Dad Confirms

Douglas called me at 6:58 this morning. He called to tell me he had realized that he has been having headaches all his life, and that he just got used to them. He also said he doesn't think he is schizophrenic, and I agree. I lived with a schizophrenic to two years, Nana Marissa, and Douglas isn't anything like that. He's like Spane.

So, Douglas is coming over today. That should be interesting. Maria doesn't like him, and at one point had threatened to call the police on him for elder abuse. I never got why she thought he was abusing her - he didn't yell at her, hit her, insult her - all he was was kind and respectful. I think something is wrong with Maria - that she may be ill, but that's a whole other story.

Our Son is a Math Wiz

In the mail this morning was Spane's STAR Student Report. This is the California Standardized Testing and Reporting program that measures a child's progress in meeting the state's academic content standards, which describes what all students should know and be able to do at each grade level.

Spane got a 453 in Mathematics, and placed in the Advanced level. The highest possible score is 600. This is how he scored:

Mathematics

Content	Spane	Other Kids
Place Value, Addition and Subtraction	93%	75% - 90%
Multiplication, Division, and Fractions	91%	75% - 90%
Algebra and Functions	100%	70% - 85%
Measurement and Geometry	93%	80% - 90%
Statistics, Data Analysis, and Probability	86%	75% - 85%

Not So Good in Reading

I wonder if reading takes more concentration than math. I imagine it must, because Spane did not do so well on English Language Arts. He still tested as Proficient, so I am happy about that.

English Language Arts

Content Area	Spane	Other Kids
Word Analysis and Vocabulary Development	73%	75% - 85%
Reading Comprehension	67%	70% - 80%
Literary Response and Analysis	83%	80% - 85%
Writting Conventions	79%	75% - 85%
Writing Strategies	63%	70% - 80%

See the questions Spane had to answer.

Daddy's Home

Douglas is Out

Douglas, Spane's biological father, has been in and out of jail as long as I have known him. He's not a violent criminal, he's an alcoholic, drug abuser, who gets manic at dusk, and can then get violent. This time, he got 3 months for something really stupid - and it seems that he had the bad luck of being stopped by an officer who was training a recruit, and it had to look really good.

I had asked his friend, Pauly, not to say anything to him about Spane's condition until I talked to him. Apparently, he did not as Douglas at first said that I was making a big deal out of nothing. Then I started telling him what was really going on, he listened, and was then amazed.

I told Douglas about the headaches, the hearing of voices, seeing 42 people with Bully written on them, nightmares, stomach pains, the manic at night. I told him it was a very serious matter, and that Spane was taking Seroquel prescribed by his new psychiatrist.

I reminded Douglas that when I had first met him he had had really bad headaches, that started right around sunset, and that was also around the time when he would get manic. When he was actually in a prison he was diagnosed as schizophrenic, and given medication to help it. He told me he had been changed to several medications, but none of them seem to be working right.

Is Dad Like This, Too?

The symptoms that Douglas has just seem so similar to Spane's, and when Douglas called me later, just at sunset to tell me he had a huge headache, I was not surprised. I am quite sure that if Douglas were to get tested for Dandy Walker, he would pass with flying colors. I'm glad that Spane was diagnosed when he was - maybe there is hope for both of them.

So What Have I Learned Today?

My theory about Spane getting nasty with me because he was suffering from a headache had turned out to be true. Shortly after talking to Douglas, I asked Spane if he would like a pain medication, and sheepishly said yes. That was about 6:30 p.m, and I gave him his voices medicine , Seroquel, at about 8 p.m.

Spane wanted to play Monopoly, so I asked him to clean up the toys in the living room, and clean off the dining room table while I washed the dishes. He was very accommodating, and in fact took extra care to actually wash the table.

Spane likes to be the banker, and he likes everything in its place. He's a good little banker, even when the Seroquel is making him a little sleepy. I told him we would play until 10:00 p.m., and then I wanted him to take a bath and go to bed. He said that was fine, as long as we could keep the game on the table and start off the next day.

Well, that was going along just fine until Rolo came back from her nightly constitutional, and jumped on the table so we couldn't play our game. The picture at left was taken in 2010 on another day when Rolo didn't want us to play.

Spane took his shower, and when he came out, he didn't seem to be too sleepy, so I told him he could watch TV for fifteen minutes, but he had to pick up whatever toys he had on the floor. He didn't want to do that. He brought me a little piece of paper at 11:00 p.m. that had the word pain on it. I gave him a pain pill, and told him he needed to lay down and get some sleep. This was starting to get into an argument, and I reminded him that he could lose going to Noelle's party on Saturday if he did not comply. Then I said he could take a book or watch a tape to help go to sleep.

Finally, he was asleep at 1:00. I went to bed at 1:30 and fell right to sleep.

So, the moral of the story is for me - check for a headache first, then give medication, and wait until the pain subsides before allowing my child to push any of my buttons.

Headaches R Us

Mommy is Smart

So, last night before I went to bed, I remembered to take an aspirin. I knew if I didn't I would have a hang over, and I hadn't even finished the presentation I did to show how to use Social Marketing for market eCostway's wonderful products. When I got up, I had a wee left over, but not enough that I could not finish my presentation.

At the eCosway Store

I really enjoy shopping at the eCosway store in Encino. There are lots pf products I am looking forward to trying, since I have seen and heard a lot of positive words from real product users. Spane was great, since he had to go with us. He listened to my presentation, and to the presentation about the magical water, and the pendant. I'll be posting more about that over at the new blog Peaceful For Life, so please be sure and bookmark that, too.

It was a long day, and I offered to make lunch at my house, and stopped at the store to get some crab salad and croissants. I already had lettuce, candied pecans, grapefruit and raspberry dressing to make salad like I did for the Organizing for America lunch on Sunday.

Spane Does Not Eat

I had told Spane that since he was such a good boy all that time at eCosway, that he could have just that afternoon bike off from being grounded. He did not want to eat, and continued riding after everyone left. He still wasn't hungry, but when he came in a 6:30, with the sun still way up, he said that his poor stomach hurt so much he could not ride anymore. I felt awful, since he had not even eaten.

I knew that it was going to be time for me to give him the Seroquel, and I was really hesitating since he had not eaten. Finally, at 8:00 he said that he had eaten something, so I gave him the pill.

Things Get Weird

Usually, before this, the Seroquel would make Spane sleepy and he would fall asleep about a half an hour after giving it to him. Tonight that did not happen, and he sat and watched TV.

I asked Spane to please put the toys away that were on the bed. I asked him three time over a half an hour period, and finally, I got tired of waiting, and I took those toys, put them in bag and put them in the trash. Spane knows this about me, that I will eventually lose it and throw things away that are not put away. If he doesn't care enough to take care of his toys, then there's sense in keeping them. Mind you, the entire time I am doing this, I keep telling him all he had to do is put the toys away, but he just keeps protesting.

Well, Spane freaked out and went in that bathroom and started slamming the door. By this time, it was 10:30 at night, and I was worried about him waking up the neighbors.

I walked into the bathroom, and I threw a glass of water in his face. When he was little, that was something that could bring him out of a tantrum, I figured why not? Well, he started hitting me instead, hard. I told him I was done and that I was going to call someone. He ran past me, and grabbed the phone. The next thing I knew, he had taken the phone and thrown it into the outside trash bin. That's when I told him that he could not go to Noelle's birthday party on Saturday. Then he really got upset because he realized he had thrown the phone into the bottom of the dumpster, and he was too short to reach in and get it.

You probably think I am a horrible mother. I did not offer to get the phone back out of the trash. I told him that he was the one who put it there, so he was responsible for getting it out. I also told him that getting the phone out did not necessarily mean that he could still go to Noelle's birthday. Well, he finally put the can on its side, climbed in and retrieved the phone. He gave it to me, and I cleaned it up with some Windex. I told him that he could go to Noelle's birthday if he did everything I said up until that point.

We were sitting in the kitchen, and I mentioned his head. He immediately told me that his head was hurting so much he could not believe it. I asked him why he had not said anything earlier, and he said that just talking about it made it worse. I kept telling him that it was worth it to tell me for five seconds, and get medication, than to wait and wait and suffer. He kept on holding his head and wailing, and finally, I was able to get him to take some pain medication.

I put him on the couch, a while later he said that the medication was helping, and he was really happey. He watched some television until he fell asleep.

What Have I Learned?

I must be thick as a brick. It has not occurred to me until now that Spane is having a headache when he's not paying attention, or not doing what I ask. Those escalate into fights, and I hate that. I still don't know if he's going to tell me if he has a headache, but at least now I can ask him, gently, secretly so that it won't get as Spane says "worser".

Sometimes We Don't Want to Deal

Go to Mass

Sunday morning, I got up and had some coffee. The phone rang and it was Spane's Catechism teacher on the phone. I had asked her if we could meet so I could give her some forms that SSI wanted from Spane's teachers. She asked me if we could meet before the 11:00am Mass, and I said that would be fine.

Help the President

I had just hung up the phone with Spane's teacher when the phone rang again, and it was one of the ladies we had met when we went to the Organizing America two Sundays ago. She was calling to remind me that we had a meeting that day, and also to say that no place had been set, and would I be willing to host it? I said, of course I would.

In the Court Yard

I don't know how we managed to do it, but we got to the court yard only 5 minutes late. Spane's teacher was there, as well as some of the other teachers. We sat down, and I gave Spane's teacher the paperwork for her to fill out and mail back.

Then we went into Mass and heard the readings, including the one and only time that Jesus was not very nice, Matthew 15:21-28. The homily following that Gospel really brought some things home - how sometimes we have to deal with people and things we don't want to.

At that time, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon.
And behold, a Canaanite woman of that district came and called out,
"Have pity on me, Lord, Son of David!
My daughter is tormented by a demon."
But Jesus did not say a word in answer to her.
Jesus' disciples came and asked him,
"Send her away, for she keeps calling out after us."
He said in reply,
"I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel."
But the woman came and did Jesus homage, saying, "Lord, help me."
He said in reply,
"It is not right to take the food of the children
and throw it to the dogs."
She said, "Please, Lord, for even the dogs eat the scraps
that fall from the table of their masters."
Then Jesus said to her in reply,
"O woman, great is your faith!
Let it be done for you as you wish."
And the woman's daughter was healed from that hour.

After Mass, we went to the neighborhood Armenian stores to get a few things for the gathering. I wanted to make finger sandwiches, salad, crudités, and iced tea.

The house still looked nice after Thursday when Spane cleaned up, so while I made the food, Spane straightened up. He did a great job.

Organizing for American

We had a good meeting, talking about what we can do in our community to organize voters to win the election for the President. Spane played outside with his chalk while we had our meeting.

Mom Gets Drunk

Amber called me and asked if I would help her with some stuff, and I agreed, telling her that I had a whole bunch of food. She said she would bring wine.

The problem with wine in a box is that I cannot tell how much wine I have had. Usually, if I get a bottle of wine, I have about two thirds of the bottle, and save the rest for the next day. With the box, I just kept on pouring! Next thing I knew, I was pretty drunk. Spane went next door to watch The Incredibles and when he came home, I was asleep on the couch.

He went in his room and watched his videos. Finally, I woke up at 1:30 because he had them on so loud. Poor Maria! I also gave him his pill, and laid down again. When I was sure he was asleep, I got up, took and aspirin and went to bed.

A Nice Saturday - Watching Perseid Meteor Showers

Spane did fine on his medication from Friday night, and woke up late in the morning. I was really glad that he did not get sick the night before, and he seemed just fine.

John Farion came by and played with Spane for a few hours, then he went home. Spane and I walked with him to the bus stop, and then we went to the corner store and got some milk to make mashed potatoes, since that was what Spane had asked for.

I heated up some Jack Daniels Baby Back Ribs, made mashed potatoes with Cheese Wiz, and green beans with bacon and almonds. We stuffed ourselves, and even had a little apple torte for dessert.

Spane wanted to watch the Perseid Meteor showers, and I wanted to see them, too. I did not give him the Seroquel thinking that he would not be able to get up at 4:30 to see it. I went to sleep at 3:30, and he woke me up at 4:45 to tell me that he and the cat had been outside looking at the stars. I don't know if he saw anything, but I have to give him an "A" for effort.

Four O'Clock and Nothing is Well

I fell asleep on the couch watching television, and when I woke up it was 3:00 and there was some infomercial about an indoor grill. It looked interesting, and I actually watched it.

So, I finally got into bed at 3:30, and was having some nice dreams.

Suddenly, I felt Spane getting up, and the next thing I know he's telling me that he threw up. No problem, I say, just clean up whatever little mess, and come back to bed. Well, he took a long time, and then he came back and said, "Mom, I can't clean it up, there's too much." Then I got up.

It was indeed all over the place, all over the rug in front of the tub. I told him to get up whatever he could with the rug, roll the rug up and put it in the trash. Then I got him a towel and he cleaned up the rest. It didn't get completely cleaned up - my mop died the other night, and I don't know where to get a mop at 4:00 a.m.

My first thought was that it was the Seroquel that was doing it, but this morning, when Spane got up, he had a fever, so it might have been the flu. I hope so.

Finally, Some Answers!

Up Early

Spane and I got up early so we could be on time to see the psychiatrist. This is a pediatric psychiatrist, which is a good thing, because little people have different needs than big people do.

Telling the Story

I answered questions, while Spane played with Legos, about Spane's behavior, his headaches, his voices, and his people for about an hour. That is one of the reasons I am keeping this blog. In case I forget something, I can refer to it when talking to a medical professional, or other person who needs this information. In fact, I have actually told people that the story is too long and to visit the blog instead. Frankly, I'm getting tired to telling the story. In the beginning, because it was so new, it felt good to tell people what was happening, and get feedback. Lately, I have been telling the story, but not getting that good feedback.

Good Feedback

That has now changed. After I got through telling the doctor all this stuff, she finally said the words I wanted to hear "Yes, we can definitely help Spane".

She said that it was the Dandy Walker Syndrome that was causing the voices. I was so thrilled to know that - as everyone else has said they were not sure. Finally, to the root of the problem.

She also said the DWS was probably responsible for a whole host of things, including the stomach aches that Spane has had almost continuously since April, 2011. His pediatrician thought that has well, and it's nice to have two doctors agree on the same thing.

I went into another room while the doctor and Spane had a talk. I played with Legos, too, and was just about to make a spectacular home design when the doctor asked me to come back in.

Medication

The doctor prescribed Seroquel for Spane and said that it would get rid of the voices. She told me that was his biggest desire, to get rid of the voices. She also agreed they were the most important thing, mainly because they tell him to hurt me.

The plan is 25mg every night for four nights, then 25mg in the morning and 25mg at night for four days, and then 50mg at night after that. Hopefully, he will be acclimated to the medication by the time he goes back to school on the 29th of August.

We got the prescription filled and then went home as I was having a luncheon with Josef and a guest.

Spane Gets Grounded

Sometimes, I lose it. I really do. We came home and I had about a half an hour to clean up the house. Most of the mess was stuff that Spane had lying on the living room floor, that I had asked him many times to clean up. He kept on telling me to have patience as I watched him playing, instead of cleaning up. Finally, I lost it and "Mean Mommy" came out with a belt, smacked him on his tush, and cleaned everything up myself. My back hurt. I told Spane that he was grounded from his bicycle, his scooter, and TV for a week. I don't know why the child insists on not telling me he has a headache until after I get mad at him.

We Have Lunch

I took a picture of the Risotto Rice Balls that I was serving for lunch with a tossed green salad. By that time, Spane was in a better mood, and helped with the serving. We had a good lunch, and I told Spane he could watch TV in his room, just not on the TV in the living room, which has more stuff on it.

Taking Medication

I wasn't hungry after eating that great lunch, but Spane was, so he had a Pop Tart and an Oreo. I gave him his medication at 8:00pm, and he was asleep by 9:00pm! Whew!

No More Reward Chart

No More Reward Chart

When we saw Spane's therapist today, she brought Spane out with a new reward chart, that she and Spane did together while I sat and read Martha Stewart Living. Spane and I will report to her, and she will keep the reward chart. I think that's a great idea, as she will be more impartial than I will.

Seeing Stars

Tonight was supposed to be the best time to see the Perseid Meteor Shower and Spane wanted to stay up to see it. I felt bad, but I gave him a sleepy pill, and sent him to bed at 10:00pm. We're seeing the psychiatrist at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow, August 11, 2011.

Getting Hyper

On Tuesday, we needed to go to Ralphs. We stopped by Amber's on the way, and her daughter, Noelle, said she wanted to go with us. Spane and Noelle play a lot, and like each other very much. Noelle was the one who chased Spane last summer when he tried to run away. Noelle is a good girl!

We all did some other errands, and finally, got to Ralphs. When we got there, Spane started acting very hyper, and even complained that he could not stop himself, and this was what happened to him every day at school.

I made a note of it, knowing that we would be talking to the psychiatrist on Thursday, August 11, 2011.

A Crafting We Will Go

The Electric Company

So, I'm sitting at my computer yesterday morning, getting ready to write up a Beeper story, when the electricity went out. I got Spane up and we went to the power company. Gosh! I had forgotten to pay the electricity bill! I paid the bill and they said the power would be back on later in the afternoon. So, it's 11:30 in the morning, and we had nothing to do.

Spane was hungry, so we decided to go to Rubio's for lunch. I love that place, the food is always good, and the prices are affordable.

After eating, I wanted to go to Michaels to look for some things to make the pixie I volunteered to make for Noelle's birthday cake. Amber is making a waterfall cake, and I am going to make a pixie or two to sit at the waterfall. I already have the almond paste for the body, and now my challenge is the wings. My intention was to go to Michaels to see if I could find candy molds that I could pour hard crack stage sugar syrup in.

At Michaels

We were at Michaels for a really long time, but we came away with some great gifts to make for Noelle. When we got home, we stared our project. I made the stuff that needed the hot glue gun, and Spane decorated the gift bag. He didn't mind not working with the glue gun when he saw me burn my index finger with it. Spane did a great job on the gift bag, and then I thought I should take some pictures of what we had done. You can see the completed project slide show.

Time To Go To Bed

Lately, Spane has been pretty good about going to bed, but tonight he did not want to go to bed, and there was quite the battle to get him to do so. Finally, with the threat of no computer time, he finally went to bed.

Headache is Moving

Headache is Moving

When Spane got up this morning, he complained that his headache was really bad, but that it had moved to the other side, above the left eye brow. I gave him a Midrin, let him rest, and then told him I would call Amber if he would finish his chores, which included taking out the trash, cleaning up the clothes he left in the bathroom, and doing the dishes. I am very proud of him - he actually washed all the dishes and the glasses! Good boy!

Big Day - Voldemort is finally dead

Big Day on the Bus

I got Spane up at 7:00 this morning, he took a shower and we were out the door by 7:15, on our way to the bus stop to catch the number 4 to Brand.

We stopped at the gas station and got Spane a pop-tart and me a coke. Breakfast of champions!

We took the number 12 to the Burbank train station, and got on the Burbank Blue Bus going to our destination. Our appointment was pretty quick, only go get some paperwork to give to Spane's doctor.

Then, we were both hungry, and I suggested we eat hot dogs from 7-11 which was on the corner. I got one of those hamburger roll-ups, and a brownie. Spane got a bag of barbecue chips and a milk.

We had a picnic waiting for the bus and shared our food. Finally, the bus came, and we took it to transfer to the next bus in Burbank.

Voldemort is Finally Dead!

As we were traveling down Brand, I asked Spane if he would like to go to Barnes and Noble, and he said yes. As we got off the bus, I saw that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II was playing across the street. I decided we should see how much it would be.

Here was a surprise - an elderly gentleman said that it was $5.00 for seniors today only. I walked up to the window and asked how much, and the girl said, "5.00 for senior and 8.50 for the child". I asked if I would have to provide proof, and she said, "No, I'm trusting you", so I gave her the money, and we got our tickets. What can I say? I'm 54 years old, when I was in my twenties, I thought people over 30 had one foot in the grave.

Finally, Voldemort is dead. I wonder if this will become "Voldemort is still dead", as in Generalíssimo Francisco Franco is still dead. My goodness, I really am showing me age!

Spane enjoyed the movie, although there were a few places that were scary for him. Then I took him to the play area at the Americana, and he played in the sand until it was time to go see his therapist.

At the Therapist

We arrived at the therapist, I told her that I was so thrilled because we had not had voices for two days. I also told her this might be because I was not being stringent on bed time, but that he was going to bed really late, and sometimes not getting up until noon. That's okay for now, but it's going to be a problem when school starts.

When I went into the lobby to wait, Spane and his therapist played Uno. I hear she won - but that will probably be the last time, he's really good!

To the Store We Go

We had run out of milk, and the supermarket is one block next to the therapist. On the way there, I passed a mint plant in a hotel's shrubbery and asked the owner if I could have a cutting. He said yes, and gave me almost a whole plant! It's peppermint, not spearmint - lovely.

When we got to the store, we had filled our shopping cart when I heard someone calling Spane's name. It was Noelle and Zeik. Amber and the kids gave us a ride home, and Zeik stayed for dinner before he had to go home.

Go to Sleep

After dinner, I asked Spane to do the dishes, but he said he was too tired. I didn't blame him. I fully intended to do the dishes after I watched Through the Worm Hole, but I fell sleep and didn't wake up until 3:00am. Spane was asleep at the computer, so I woke him up, and got into our bed.

It was a good day, AND a good night!

No Voices! A Record!

Again, for the second night in a row, there were no voices. Not only that, since I told Spane were were going to have a big day on Wednesday, and would have to get up early, he went to bed sort of on time. Not the same with me, but that's okay. He had a headache, but one Advil was enough to take care of it.

No Voices!

Thank God, no voices again tonight. Spane spent most of the day on the new bike that Stevie procured for him - he's excited because it's a big bike and it has a kick stand. Since he was a good boy all day, I left him get on the computer at 10:00pm. At 12:00 he asked for pain medication because his headache was pretty bad.

I made the mistake of doing the dishes late, so I wasn't sleepy until 3:00, and that's when Spane finally went to sleep.

I'm sort of okay with that - if he's not sleepy, I'm not going to force him.

Wanna Help Obama?

Can't Find the Purse

We were going to a grassroots organizing event in Pasadena to for Barack Obama, and we did not have to be there until 3pm. We were going to go to 11:00am Mass because our engagement in Pasadena, and after taking a bath and getting dressed, I told Spane he needed to take a bath, too.

Here's a new thing - Spane has to start using deodorant because he now had ripe armpits. This doesn't surprise me that much, I started when I was four in Germany. It's okay, he will learn early about personal freshness!

When we got ready to go to Mass there was a problem. My purse could not be found anywhere. We looked and looked, and we could not go because that purse had my wallet, with all my information, and money, and cards, etc. So, we did not make it to Mass - have to go to Confession about that one¹. By the time Josef came at 2:30, we had still not found the purse.

Afraid of Maria

The only place I could think of was to look under Maria's bed, and I asked Spane to do this since it's a lot easier for a little person to look under things. Boy, did he give me a hard time about that, every excuse in the book. Finally, since we were making so much noise, Maria went into the bathroom and found the purse under clothes in the hamper where Spane had hit it on Thursday, July 28, 2011.

I was really, really mad by that time, and I told Spane that no matter what he was not ever to touch my purse, or any lady's purse for that matter! I also told him he was on Yellow for acting the way he did when we were trying to find the purse.

Taking a Nap

When we arrived he seemed pretty sleepy, and sure enough, he fell asleep at the table while I went to another table to talk with other volunteers. He slept soundly almost all the way through the event.

People Are Trying to Shoot Me! - Dream Sharing?

Almost at the end of the event, Spane started to cry in his sleep. Luckily, I was right there, and went to him and he said he was dreaming that people were trying to shoot him! I held through the rest of the event, and we were nice enough to get a ride home from one of the other volunteers.

After we got home, and were going to the store to get some milk, I asked Spane about the nightmare, and he said that he was in a large sports field and he was being shot at. He said there was no where to hide, and he was really scared. He didn't know why anyone was shooting him, and could not think of why anyone would want to shoot him.

This might sound crazy on my part, but I can't help but think he might be sharing someone else's dream, like maybe his father. There were a few times I was able to share a nightmare, a couple of times with Douglas, and once with an old boyfriend, Gary. It's very frightening, because there you are happily in your own dream when suddenly someone turns the channel and you are in someone else's dream.

Good Night, Spane

We played a game of Crazy Eights, and tried to play a game of Gin Rummy, but were thwarted on that because Rolo kept wanting to be pet.

Spane had a mild head ache, and I gave him his medication. I did not expect him to go to sleep because he had slept at the event. I went to sleep at midnight, and he was asleep beside me this morning.

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¹ Confession if really good for the soul, please see my views on the Sacrament of Reconciliation

Spane in the Pool

Spane got up this morning and helped our neighbor, Dana, fill the pool up. He helped her get the pressure correctly, and then he stood with the hose and filled it up, after accidentally moving the hose where I was standing, and soaking my feet!

Spane went to sleep last night around 23:00, and got up at about 10:00. I was pleased that he got some sleep and felt good! He had a little bit of headache, but did not want to take any medication. From what I was reading today about Dandy Walker, one of the signs is a high tolerance for pain. That's probably a good thing!

Sleep, Baby, Sleep

After having so much fun in the pool, Spane was really hungry. I made Blue Cheese Burgers, Italian green beans and Beer Brats. Next thing I knew, Spane had fallen asleep! Thank God!

Babe

Spane woke up about 10pm with a headache, and gave him medication. I didn't give him any sleepy medication because I was hoping he would go back to sleep. I went through what was On Demand and found Babe, the movie about the Sheep Pig and I thought Spane would enjoy it. He did, and he laughed, and picked up his stuffed pig and hugged it. Then we watched Through the Worm Hole with Morgan Freeman, the episode about warp speed. I had promised Spane that he could sleep in the living room over the weekend, so I got up and went to bed, and left him on the couch watching his TV shows.

Candy Land the Nightmare

Nightmares

In the morning, Spane and I sat down for a talk about the night before. I told him that it was really hard for me to deal with him hitting me with a knife, even though it was a butter knife. I asked him if he was having nightmares, and he said yes.

At some point, his therapist had asked him what kind of dreams he had, and he said he dreamed about candy. Well, that sounded nice, like something all kids dream about.

When we were living with Stephen Osworth, he kept on purchasing speakers for his television. Stephen was always an audiophile, and he was using The Fifth Element to calibrate the speakers, specifically the opera singer scene. He didn't pay attention that Spane was home when he was doing this, nor that Spane was seeing and hearing what was going on in the movie, including those huge guns.

So, after Stephen left us, Spane was having trouble sleeping, and I asked him why, and he said he was dreaming about those guns. I told him that what he needed to do was every time he saw one of those guns in his dreams, all he needed to do was turn the gun into a lollipop and eat it! That seemed to work because he didn't complain about bad dreams anymore. As a matter of fact, he told Noelle in the summer of 2010 she could do that if she had nightmares, because it worked so well for him.

Candy Land

You have to be careful what you wish for. Now Spane's nightmares are all about candy. EVERYTHING is made out of candy. When you walk, you stick to the floor, all the trees are made of cotton candy, water is syrup, literally everything is made out of candy. It's like some kind of horrible Twilight Zone - there is no escape from Candy Land.

A Good Night

After dinner, I gave him a whole sleepy pill - I didn't want to take any chances, and his headache pill because he was complaining about the pain. Then I suggested we play a game of Mille Borne, thinking he would be sleepy way before the game was over.

Mille Bourne is a French racing game. Each player gets six cards at the start of the hand, and keeps only six cards in his hand throughout the game. The goal is to reach 1000 miles and avoid hazards, like flat tire, out of gas, speed limit, and accients. It's a really fun game, check it out.

As I have said, Spane does like to try to cheat, and I think he might have been a little sleepy from the pill, but he kept telling me he had eight cards in his hand instead of the requisite six. I kept my patience, but I told him that the next time we played that game, I would not put up with it. I won, and he went off to bed as I had asked him.

Thank God, a good night!

Mom Spends the Day Out - Spane Hits Mom

eCosway

Thursday morning, and I sat there thinking about the roller coaster Spane and I are on. And I was still sitting there thinking I had more time, when Josef walked in the back door. We had an appointment for him to show me something in Encino. So, I dressed quickly, and wore my favorite green dress with my favorite purple necklace. We dropped Spane off at Amber's to spend the day with her and her children.

I am not going to go into what happened with Josef, you can read all about More Than Waffles and eCosway at The Good Plate.

Another Night with No Sleep

When Spane got home, after dinner and his nightly medication, Spane wanted to play Monopoly. Last time we played, I let him be banker. Do you know what it's like to have a seven year old banker? I mean, he's like a Math genius, but still, he's only seven!

Spane doesn't do well when he's not winning. I don't think it's fair to Spane to let him win. Spane sometimes cheats, or tries to cheat, and when you call him on it, he gets mad.

When Spane threw some milk at me, I told him I did not want to play anymore, picked everything up and put it away. I got him to take a bath, thinking that the bath would calm him down, he had only had a half of a sleepy pill.

Then the rest of the night was me trying to get him to go to bed, and me explaining that I needed to rest because I was tired. I had had a really long day, and all I wanted to do was rest. But, I need a little time alone to wind down before I go to sleep, and that was why I wanted Spane to go to sleep.

Shades of the Father

When Douglas¹ and I were together, Douglas decided to stop drinking and take No Doze instead. Yes, that's substituting one dependency for another, and a silly one at that. As a result, Douglas could not sleep, and would not let me sleep either. One night, I was so desperate for sleep that I laid down in the closet, but he found me, and screamed at me that if he couldn't sleep, I wasn't going to either. I remember at the time thinking that this was torture, what prisoners of war were exposed to. That was the first time I had thought that I needed to get away from Douglas.

Like Father Like Son

I tried to reason with him. I held him down on the couch and held his arms while I tried to reason with him, and he reached up and broke my necklace. I spanked him on the rear for doing that. I was really sad, that was my favorite necklace.

Finally, I gave up and tried to go to bed. The next thing I knew, he was sitting on the bed with a butter knife, hitting me on the leg with it. Then he got up and threw the plastic chest of drawers down on top of me.

I got up, put on my clothes. I was at my wits end - how could I deal with this? This was the same thing his father had done to me, but that time, I was able to get rid of my attacker. I couldn't get "rid" of Spane - but, for my sanity, I was starting to think about it - really. Spane came in the bathroom, and I told him I could not do this anymore. I could not live with a child who was trying to hurt me. Finally, I got him to take the other half of the sleepy pill, and he finally went to sleep. It was 3 o'clock in the morning - again!

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¹ Douglas is Spane's father.

Social Security

Social Security

I am applying for Social Security Disability for Spane. We are not the richest people in the world, and I don't know if this is something that he is going to have to deal with for the rest of his life, but if it is, at least he will be in system and can get benefits. More information is available at http://ssa-custhelp.ssa.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/156/~/benefits-for-disabled-children.

Thankfully, Spane had a good night Tuesday night, and was happy to get going in the morning. We walked over to Social Security, and Spane was a good boy all though the interview. I am amazed at the Social Security Administration's computer system. They use workstations that look like them may be hooked up to an old Teletype program, probably written some ancient IBM language. But the good news is that the worker seemed to think it was a valid case. He does not have anything to do with the determination, the disability section takes care of that, but at least he didn't point and laugh when I sat down.

I have to be able to supply some more documentation. I'm writing it down here so I don't forget and I can easily get to it if I have an Internet connection.

1. Spane's Birth Certificate
2. Rent Receipt
3. 2010 Tax Return
4. Utility Bill
5. Income Source

At the Therapist

I'm glad that Spane is spending time with the therapist alone. I told her what happened on Sunday night, that I was really afraid of what was happening. She said that I was under a lot of pressure, and that I should probably seek counseling myself. I told her I was already in counseling for domestic violence, but she suggested I would do better with more, and I agree. Next week, I am going to see if there is a group or something about parenting skills I can join.

His therapist told me she would talk to him about doing what he was supposed to do chores as he was told, go to sleep on time, be respectful. I want Spane to get all greens on his reward charts!

The Usual Suspects

Spane had a headache tonight, but he got to sleep at a reasonable time.

Going to the Doctor

Poor Spane. He was asleep on the sofa this morning when I woke him up to go to his pediatrician. Last night, I gave up and went to sleep at 03:00 , got up at 08:30 and our appointment was at 09:00. Spane really didn't want to get up, he said he head ached.

When we got to the doctor, Spane told her about not being able to sleep, and how he has not gotten to sleep until 05:00. He told her about the stomach pains still happening every day. I told her that I was keeping a log of how often, and what his stool looks like. She says she does not want to do anything more to Spane until the doctors at Children's take a look, as the stomach pains may be a part of the Dandy Walker Syndrome. She wrote a prescription for something to help Spane sleep, but said start off giving only half.

I was really amazed when we got home that instead of going back to bed, or at least having a nap, Spane right away got on his bicycle and started riding up and down the street with his friends.

So, tonight, after we had dinner, Spane said his head hurt (it almost always does at night), and I told him he could use the new medicine. I'm a horrible mother and forgot to only give him a half, and he came out to watch television, and fell asleep, finally, at 21:30. Thank God!

Blue Monday

After last night, I am so tired, and so shocked. I cannot do anything. I am sitting here blogging, and I have no desire to do anything else.

It's 3:00am and I am Giving Up!

Spane just will not go to bed. I have given him his Advil for headache pain, and I have given him Benedril to make him sleep. Nothing is working. He keeps on going outside and locking himself out.

The last time I went to bed, I didn't even hear him, I was so tired. Maria heard him and let him in, and he staying in the living room. I slept.

Sunday, Sunday

Bloody Margaret

We did not make it to 11:00am Mass on Sunday as I had wanted. That was okay, though, because I really want Spane to be able to sleep as much as he can. Poor thing, going to bed a one o'clock in the morning, head aches, voices.

On Sundays, I also have therapy. It's a little odd, because I am going to my therapist as a survivor of Domestic Violence with Spane's father, Douglas. It's odd because Spane in many ways is turning into his father. I really like my therapist, and it was a great thing to be able to tell her about all that has been going on with Spane, and how our relationship is evolving.

After we finished with therapy, we went to Red Robin and had dinner. It was Spane's first time having fried clams, and he loved them. We had five minutes to go into Sur Le Table, and then we went to 5:30 Mass at Holy Family Catholic Community.

I really like the 5:30 Mass because there is a special time after the Communion Rite where the lights are turned off, and we can pray in darkness for about 3 minutes. It's really wonderful. I prayed for God's guidance in helping Spane.

When we got home, Amber called and said she would like to come over, and have some girl time. When Spane asked why she was here, she said "Well, if you guys come over to my house, you complain, so I thought it I came here - you wouldn't."

I made Bloody Margarets for us. They were delicious. Amber and I took some time talking about things that mothers talk about, and then she said she needed to go home to her own family.

This entire time, Spane had been playing on the computer. I liked those Bloody Margarets so much that I decided I should blog about them right away so I wouldn't forget how to make them. Spane did not want to get off the computer.

I told him that he needed to go to bed, that it was tiem for little children to be in bed. He defiantly told me no, and I tried to pull him off the computer.

I am ashamed at myself. In some way, Spane managed to get into a position where my hands were around his neck, and God forgive me, I squeezed just a little until he told me to stop.

There was a lot of yelling and screaming. His head hurt, my patience was wearing really thin. It was very, very tiring, and when I finally got Spane to bed, it was nearly two am.

I am tired and I want my child back!

Off to Iglesia We Go

My landlords are very nice people, and the husband is going to school to become a minister. They are Hispanic, and wonderful people. When I told them about Spane's problem, they suggested we accompany them to a special event that was happening at their church.

I remember the first time I saw a building with the word Iglesia on the signage. I thought to myself, "Gee, Julio Iglesias must be really popular to have so many buildings named after him!" I didn't know then that Iglesia is the Spanish word for Church.

This was one of the most uplifting experiences I have ever had. These people stood and sang and clapped for at least a hour to various religious songs. Shoot, Catholics like me complain when the Communion rite gets over 5 minutes, let alone an hour!

There were two gentlemen, one older than the other, that I thought may be been father and son who were playing classical guitar, and telling jokes. I only understood the one about hair loss as the older man patted his head, and I laughed hard with everyone else. They also did the Hava Nagila song - I don't think the rest of the congregation got that one, but I was almost tempted to get up and dance. These guys were really good!

Then the minister said some prayers in English and Spane and I went up to the minister to pray and have special blessings. Spane was a little shy and confused as people who he did not know were hugging him.

When we got home, Spane had some yogurt and Young Walnut, and ran around a little. He was actually pretty good, and went to bed at a decent time. He had a headache, but after taking an Advil, he was able to sleep.

Just Don't Pay Attention to the Voices

Getting the Sacrament of Reconciliation - aka Going to Confession

Yesterday during the day went pretty well. Since this upheaval, we have not been going to Sunday Mass for about a month, and we needed to have the Sacrament of Reconciliation, both of us. You cannot have the Sacrament of Communion if you are not in a state of grace, and not making the obligation to attend Mass will put you out of of that state.

Spane had his First Holy Communion on May 15, 2011, when he had attained the age of reason. He's still a little guy though, and he said he felt a little rusty about what to do in the confessional, and what he should confess.

As his mother, it is my responsibility to bring him up according to our faith, but I can't dictate what is in his heart, and I cannot go into the confessional with him. What he says to Jesus in the confessional is between him and the priest acting as Jesus.

I told him that he should look into his heart and tell the priest what he was truly sorry for. It doesn't do any good to confess something and not be truly sorry for doing it. I suggested he tell the priest about kicking me in the shin since it was recent and easy for him to remember. I also told him that if he forgot to confess something because he really didn't remember, that was okay, too.

I went to the confessional before Spane did, and was pleased to see it was one of my favorite priests, who knows Spane well. I told him about what was going on, sought his advice, and Father said to pray for Jesus' guidance. He absolved me of my sins, and I left.

I was sitting in the pew, praying, while Spane was in with Father, and then he came out and sat next to me and said The Our Father four times. Later he said Father said he only needed to say it once, but Spane thought four times was better. I love my son!

We went home and had our hamburger picnic on the front porch again, then we watched TV together, and I waited for the storm to begin.

You Don't Pay Any Attention to Me, Why Pay Attention to Them?

So, when the voices did show up it was about 9pm, and Spane did not want to take a bath and get ready for bed.

Me

Spane, if you take a bath, you'll feel better, and you can get on the computer afterwards. Okay?

Spane

No, Mommy, they are making my head really hurt.

Me

They are there now?

Spane

Yes

Me

What are they telling you?

Spane

They are telling me I should throw the most important thing to you, your computer.

Me

I'm glad you're not paying attention to them! Do you want to come with me and I'll run a bath for you?

Spane

No, Mommy, they will hurt me

Me (taking Spane's hand)

Hold my hand, honey and squeeze it if they start hurting you.

Spane (as I am trying to pull him out of the chair)

No, Mommy, they are hurting me too much!

I sat down and gave up for a while. About a half an hour later, I convinced Spane to get in the tub. When he finally came out, about 20 minutes later, he told me that if he put his ears under water he only heard that water, and not the voices! That's a good thing!

Still Did Not Get to Bed Until Late

Spane still wanted to get on the computer for an hour, and I told him he could, but then when the hour was over, of course, the voices told him not to pay attention to me. That's when I said to him, "Honey, you can beat this! You already don't pay attention to me, just do the same thing to them, don't pay attention."

I hate living like this. Spane doesn't want to go to sleep because the voices are bad when he's trying to fall asleep, so he wants to stay up really late. I wind up falling asleep on the couch, then he comes and lays on top of me, and we finally go to bed.

Wash the Cat

I decided it was high time I washed our cat, Rolo, this morning, and woke Spane up at 9:30 to help me. He was really sleepy, but maybe he'll want to go to bed earlier tonight. We'll see!

A Night Without Voices

We went to see the new therapist yesterday, July 20, 2011, and she did some more intake, and asked more questions. I told her about the experience when Spane kicked me. Spane also told her about how he had ran into Zeik with his bicycle.

Problems with the Bicycle

Stevie, Amber and Brian went to the hospital and asked me to watch their kids while they were at the hospital. So, I was sitting at my desk, looking out the window watching the kids as they rode their bikes on the sidewalk in front of the house.

Zeik and Noelle were stopped, and talking, when Spane suddenly came up and ran right into Zeik. That started a big fight, with the kids running after each other, screaming, accusing, threatening. Finally, I went out and offered to take everyone out for ice cream. Getting everyone gathered up was a problem because Spane was still upset that Zeik had called him a Dick, which he had been, and Zeik was still upset that the whole thing was happening.

On the way to get ice cream, Noelle and Zeik and I stopped under a shade tree to cool off. Spane was stubbornly standing in the hot sun about a half a block away. I asked the kids what they thought about Spane, considering they have seen his behavior before, and Noelle said:

Me

You kids were with Spane last summer. Do you think he's better of worse, honestly?

Zeik

He's worse.

Noelle

Yes, I think it's a poltergeist. I definitely think that, because he is much worse this year than he was last year.

Eventually, everyone went and got ice cream, and we came back to the house, and things were a little better. No one was yelling at anyone, although Noelle did open up and start playing Spane's PeeWee Herman Christmas DVD - I warned her that he would probably be upset about it, and of course, he is today.

When we got home from the therapist, we had a nice dinner outside on the porch again, Spane got on the computer, I fell asleep in front of the TV, then woke up, and then Spane and I watched TV until 3:00am, when I said we had to go to bed.

No Voices, Mommy

When I gave Spane his headache medicine, which he said he needed, he refused the Benedril because he was already tired, as well he should have been at 3:00am. But, he said he had had a really good time, and that there were no voices!

I don't know how long this situation can continue like this, with me walking on egg shells so that I do not invoke the "other child". I finally got an email from the healer, and this is what he said:

I believe there is Satan in Spane's body and to get this Satan out we need to work on spane more I am sure you know what I am talking about.

Well, I'm not quite sure how to take that. Yes, there is definitely something in Spane's body. I don't know if it's a poltergeist, or Satan or Dandy Walker Syndrome, or the Three Stooges come back from the dead. What ever it is, I want it gone, I WANT MY SON BACK!

This is NOT my Child!

About Last Night

When I talked to Spane about what happened last night, July 18, 2011, he said he knew he was being bad, but there was nothing he could do about it - the voices just kept telling him to do bad things. During the day, usually the headache is not there, and the voices are not there - those only come at night.

Headache Log?

This afternoon, I finally got a hold of Children's Hospital and was told that it would be a month and a half to two months before we would be contacted about an appointment. In the meantime, I am getting a headache log in the mail. Whoopee! Spane has had headaches for two years, he is really suffering, and they are sending me a headache log??

I am very concerned because Spane's headaches seem to be getting worse. I also called his doctor today and was told that he could have 300mg of Ibuprofen instead of the 200mg of Advil. One good thing, I think.

Picnic Party

Tonight, we had a pizza picnic out the porch outside. We had a nice dinner, then we watched Robots together. We were sitting on the couch, Spane's head was on my shoulders. When the movie was over, he started putting his feet in my face, and I asked him to stop.

Kicked in the Shin

When I sat up, ready to stand up, he jumped up, and kicked me in the shin as hard as he could. I was so shocked I sat there with my hand over my mouth, and he just smiled at me. Then he walked over to the desk and grabbed the phone. I still couldn't move or say anything.

He came and sat down next to me, and I asked him why he kicked me and he said "The voices, Mommy, the voices."

I said: "But, honey, you knew that it was wrong, didn't you?"

He nodded, and said: "It always happens like this, when I'm having a really good time, like we were having tonight, my headache gets really bad".

I asked: "Spane, are we okay? Are am I safe with you?"

He said: "I don't know, I don't think so."

Then I told him the doctor had said he could have 300mg of Ibuprofen, and that's when went and locked himself in the bathroom. I eventually convinced him to let me in. I suggested he take a shower, which he did, and now he's putting on his pajamas and I'm going to read a story to him, which he will pick out.

This was a complete change of personality. One minute he was happily watching the movie with his head on my shoulder, the next he was kicking me in shin with all his might.

The child that kicked me is NOT my child. I don't know whose child it is, but I want MY child back!

Off to See Dr. Victor

Well, Monday morning, July 18, 2011, Spane and I got on the train to Northridge to meet our friend Josef, President of American Loyalty Card, who I also wanted to introduce to Dr. Victor. I thought they would get along well together.

While Raida, Dr. Victor's wife, and I talked business, Dr. Victor talked to Spane. Spane told him that he had a headache, Dr. Victor rubbed his head. Dr. Victor read the final report of Dandy Walker Syndrome, so he would get a better idea of what was going on with Spane.

After our meeting, Josef, Spane and I went to Foxy's in Glendale. Spane has always liked that restaurant, and was pleased to have a large fruit salad for lunch. We still didn't have our food back from Amber and Stevie's house.

I thought that we were going to have a nice evening, but I was wrong.

It seemed that nothing I did was helping. The headache started at dusk when it usually does, and he started acting up right away. It got really out of hand when I stepped on a large toy by accident, and when I went outside to get a breath of fresh air, he threw it at me - and he didn't miss. He also tried to hit me with a broom handle (he's seen a few martial arts movies). I finally got him to calm down at midnight.

Dead Like Me!

Sunday morning, I woke up and decided since it was hot to put ice in my coffee. I put my hand on the ice tray, and my finger touched the water - WATER!!! All the ice had melted, along with most of the frozen food I had bought.

I called Amber and Stevie, and Stevie said to bring our stuff over and he would barbecue most of the meat. Stevie's great - we ate well Sunday night.

Amber and I watched Hoarders, and were frightened, then we watched Dead Like Me and we laughed.

When we got home, our neighbors were outside talking, and Orlando said he would take a look at the refrigerator. It turned out that the dial in the freezer was set in the Off position. I don't know how it got like that, but when he turned it on, the refrigerator hummed back to life.

We were all so excited, hugging each other, and laughing. There was a some room temperature milk in the fridge, and Spane drank some, didn't like it very much, but he went to sleep anyway after I gave him his Benedril and Advil.

Another Doctor

Cruise Night photo courtesy of Brian Lewis

About a year ago, I was introduced to Dr. Victor Bagha, a natural healer, who has helped a lot of people beat cancer and other incurable diseases, including Bill Howard, Mr. America. Dr. Victor treated Steve McQueen, and worked out with Arnold Schwarznegger before he was famous. So, out of the blue, Dr. Victor's wife, Raida, called me and asked me if I would do some work for them.

We met with Dr. Victor and Raida on Saturday morning, and we went to The Toasted Bun in Glendale. Spane loves the Toasted Bun's Silver Dollar pancakes. He was having such a good time that he had two helpings!

Dr. Victor said to bring Spane out to his office on Monday so he could take a look. Spane has always like Raida, and he thought it would be nice to meet with Dr. Victor.

Saturday night was Cruise Night in Glendale, so we went with Zeik and Noelle. We had a nice time looking at all the old cars. One of the office buildings on Brand has a large park with fountain, and the kids played tag while I listened to Paul Revere and the Raiders - they were good!

By the time we all walked back to the library to meet Amber, everyone was really tired, and Spane went to sleep right away when we got home. It was a good night.

Fast Food? Phooey!

Spane went to the doctor today for a follow-up appointment. His regular doctor, Dr. Steinberg, saint that she is, is in South American volunteering, so we saw one of the on staff doctors. She said that Spane was old enough to have a mild Advil for his headaches, and that we just had to wait for the pediatric neurologist at Children's Hospital to contact us about the Dandy Walker Syndrome. I also asked her about his stomach pain that he has been dealing with since April, and she said the Dandy Walker might be doing it, but, and she looked straight into Spane's eyes:

Doctor

No more pizza, chicken nuggets, hot dogs, things like that

Spane (looking really askance)

I don't eat that kind of food. I don't like that kind of food.

Me

Spane's not really into fast food or junk food. We eat yogurt with fruit and honey for breakfast, a lot of fresh vegetables. I'm a gourmet cook, fast food doesn't exist in my house.

Doctor

That's good!

Me

Go over to the local Armenian store, to the preserves section and try the Young Walnut Preserves. You'll love them!

Doctor

I'll do that, I love walnuts!

And with that, we went to the pharmacy, got his medicine, and now we're going to have scrambled eggs for breakfast. Maybe we'll have a little toast with Young Walnut Preserves!