Spane in the Pool

Spane got up this morning and helped our neighbor, Dana, fill the pool up. He helped her get the pressure correctly, and then he stood with the hose and filled it up, after accidentally moving the hose where I was standing, and soaking my feet!

Spane went to sleep last night around 23:00, and got up at about 10:00. I was pleased that he got some sleep and felt good! He had a little bit of headache, but did not want to take any medication. From what I was reading today about Dandy Walker, one of the signs is a high tolerance for pain. That's probably a good thing!

Sleep, Baby, Sleep

After having so much fun in the pool, Spane was really hungry. I made Blue Cheese Burgers, Italian green beans and Beer Brats. Next thing I knew, Spane had fallen asleep! Thank God!

Babe

Spane woke up about 10pm with a headache, and gave him medication. I didn't give him any sleepy medication because I was hoping he would go back to sleep. I went through what was On Demand and found Babe, the movie about the Sheep Pig and I thought Spane would enjoy it. He did, and he laughed, and picked up his stuffed pig and hugged it. Then we watched Through the Worm Hole with Morgan Freeman, the episode about warp speed. I had promised Spane that he could sleep in the living room over the weekend, so I got up and went to bed, and left him on the couch watching his TV shows.

Candy Land the Nightmare

Nightmares

In the morning, Spane and I sat down for a talk about the night before. I told him that it was really hard for me to deal with him hitting me with a knife, even though it was a butter knife. I asked him if he was having nightmares, and he said yes.

At some point, his therapist had asked him what kind of dreams he had, and he said he dreamed about candy. Well, that sounded nice, like something all kids dream about.

When we were living with Stephen Osworth, he kept on purchasing speakers for his television. Stephen was always an audiophile, and he was using The Fifth Element to calibrate the speakers, specifically the opera singer scene. He didn't pay attention that Spane was home when he was doing this, nor that Spane was seeing and hearing what was going on in the movie, including those huge guns.

So, after Stephen left us, Spane was having trouble sleeping, and I asked him why, and he said he was dreaming about those guns. I told him that what he needed to do was every time he saw one of those guns in his dreams, all he needed to do was turn the gun into a lollipop and eat it! That seemed to work because he didn't complain about bad dreams anymore. As a matter of fact, he told Noelle in the summer of 2010 she could do that if she had nightmares, because it worked so well for him.

Candy Land

You have to be careful what you wish for. Now Spane's nightmares are all about candy. EVERYTHING is made out of candy. When you walk, you stick to the floor, all the trees are made of cotton candy, water is syrup, literally everything is made out of candy. It's like some kind of horrible Twilight Zone - there is no escape from Candy Land.

A Good Night

After dinner, I gave him a whole sleepy pill - I didn't want to take any chances, and his headache pill because he was complaining about the pain. Then I suggested we play a game of Mille Borne, thinking he would be sleepy way before the game was over.

Mille Bourne is a French racing game. Each player gets six cards at the start of the hand, and keeps only six cards in his hand throughout the game. The goal is to reach 1000 miles and avoid hazards, like flat tire, out of gas, speed limit, and accients. It's a really fun game, check it out.

As I have said, Spane does like to try to cheat, and I think he might have been a little sleepy from the pill, but he kept telling me he had eight cards in his hand instead of the requisite six. I kept my patience, but I told him that the next time we played that game, I would not put up with it. I won, and he went off to bed as I had asked him.

Thank God, a good night!

Mom Spends the Day Out - Spane Hits Mom

eCosway

Thursday morning, and I sat there thinking about the roller coaster Spane and I are on. And I was still sitting there thinking I had more time, when Josef walked in the back door. We had an appointment for him to show me something in Encino. So, I dressed quickly, and wore my favorite green dress with my favorite purple necklace. We dropped Spane off at Amber's to spend the day with her and her children.

I am not going to go into what happened with Josef, you can read all about More Than Waffles and eCosway at The Good Plate.

Another Night with No Sleep

When Spane got home, after dinner and his nightly medication, Spane wanted to play Monopoly. Last time we played, I let him be banker. Do you know what it's like to have a seven year old banker? I mean, he's like a Math genius, but still, he's only seven!

Spane doesn't do well when he's not winning. I don't think it's fair to Spane to let him win. Spane sometimes cheats, or tries to cheat, and when you call him on it, he gets mad.

When Spane threw some milk at me, I told him I did not want to play anymore, picked everything up and put it away. I got him to take a bath, thinking that the bath would calm him down, he had only had a half of a sleepy pill.

Then the rest of the night was me trying to get him to go to bed, and me explaining that I needed to rest because I was tired. I had had a really long day, and all I wanted to do was rest. But, I need a little time alone to wind down before I go to sleep, and that was why I wanted Spane to go to sleep.

Shades of the Father

When Douglas¹ and I were together, Douglas decided to stop drinking and take No Doze instead. Yes, that's substituting one dependency for another, and a silly one at that. As a result, Douglas could not sleep, and would not let me sleep either. One night, I was so desperate for sleep that I laid down in the closet, but he found me, and screamed at me that if he couldn't sleep, I wasn't going to either. I remember at the time thinking that this was torture, what prisoners of war were exposed to. That was the first time I had thought that I needed to get away from Douglas.

Like Father Like Son

I tried to reason with him. I held him down on the couch and held his arms while I tried to reason with him, and he reached up and broke my necklace. I spanked him on the rear for doing that. I was really sad, that was my favorite necklace.

Finally, I gave up and tried to go to bed. The next thing I knew, he was sitting on the bed with a butter knife, hitting me on the leg with it. Then he got up and threw the plastic chest of drawers down on top of me.

I got up, put on my clothes. I was at my wits end - how could I deal with this? This was the same thing his father had done to me, but that time, I was able to get rid of my attacker. I couldn't get "rid" of Spane - but, for my sanity, I was starting to think about it - really. Spane came in the bathroom, and I told him I could not do this anymore. I could not live with a child who was trying to hurt me. Finally, I got him to take the other half of the sleepy pill, and he finally went to sleep. It was 3 o'clock in the morning - again!

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¹ Douglas is Spane's father.

Social Security

Social Security

I am applying for Social Security Disability for Spane. We are not the richest people in the world, and I don't know if this is something that he is going to have to deal with for the rest of his life, but if it is, at least he will be in system and can get benefits. More information is available at http://ssa-custhelp.ssa.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/156/~/benefits-for-disabled-children.

Thankfully, Spane had a good night Tuesday night, and was happy to get going in the morning. We walked over to Social Security, and Spane was a good boy all though the interview. I am amazed at the Social Security Administration's computer system. They use workstations that look like them may be hooked up to an old Teletype program, probably written some ancient IBM language. But the good news is that the worker seemed to think it was a valid case. He does not have anything to do with the determination, the disability section takes care of that, but at least he didn't point and laugh when I sat down.

I have to be able to supply some more documentation. I'm writing it down here so I don't forget and I can easily get to it if I have an Internet connection.

1. Spane's Birth Certificate
2. Rent Receipt
3. 2010 Tax Return
4. Utility Bill
5. Income Source

At the Therapist

I'm glad that Spane is spending time with the therapist alone. I told her what happened on Sunday night, that I was really afraid of what was happening. She said that I was under a lot of pressure, and that I should probably seek counseling myself. I told her I was already in counseling for domestic violence, but she suggested I would do better with more, and I agree. Next week, I am going to see if there is a group or something about parenting skills I can join.

His therapist told me she would talk to him about doing what he was supposed to do chores as he was told, go to sleep on time, be respectful. I want Spane to get all greens on his reward charts!

The Usual Suspects

Spane had a headache tonight, but he got to sleep at a reasonable time.

Going to the Doctor

Poor Spane. He was asleep on the sofa this morning when I woke him up to go to his pediatrician. Last night, I gave up and went to sleep at 03:00 , got up at 08:30 and our appointment was at 09:00. Spane really didn't want to get up, he said he head ached.

When we got to the doctor, Spane told her about not being able to sleep, and how he has not gotten to sleep until 05:00. He told her about the stomach pains still happening every day. I told her that I was keeping a log of how often, and what his stool looks like. She says she does not want to do anything more to Spane until the doctors at Children's take a look, as the stomach pains may be a part of the Dandy Walker Syndrome. She wrote a prescription for something to help Spane sleep, but said start off giving only half.

I was really amazed when we got home that instead of going back to bed, or at least having a nap, Spane right away got on his bicycle and started riding up and down the street with his friends.

So, tonight, after we had dinner, Spane said his head hurt (it almost always does at night), and I told him he could use the new medicine. I'm a horrible mother and forgot to only give him a half, and he came out to watch television, and fell asleep, finally, at 21:30. Thank God!

Blue Monday

After last night, I am so tired, and so shocked. I cannot do anything. I am sitting here blogging, and I have no desire to do anything else.

It's 3:00am and I am Giving Up!

Spane just will not go to bed. I have given him his Advil for headache pain, and I have given him Benedril to make him sleep. Nothing is working. He keeps on going outside and locking himself out.

The last time I went to bed, I didn't even hear him, I was so tired. Maria heard him and let him in, and he staying in the living room. I slept.

Sunday, Sunday

Bloody Margaret

We did not make it to 11:00am Mass on Sunday as I had wanted. That was okay, though, because I really want Spane to be able to sleep as much as he can. Poor thing, going to bed a one o'clock in the morning, head aches, voices.

On Sundays, I also have therapy. It's a little odd, because I am going to my therapist as a survivor of Domestic Violence with Spane's father, Douglas. It's odd because Spane in many ways is turning into his father. I really like my therapist, and it was a great thing to be able to tell her about all that has been going on with Spane, and how our relationship is evolving.

After we finished with therapy, we went to Red Robin and had dinner. It was Spane's first time having fried clams, and he loved them. We had five minutes to go into Sur Le Table, and then we went to 5:30 Mass at Holy Family Catholic Community.

I really like the 5:30 Mass because there is a special time after the Communion Rite where the lights are turned off, and we can pray in darkness for about 3 minutes. It's really wonderful. I prayed for God's guidance in helping Spane.

When we got home, Amber called and said she would like to come over, and have some girl time. When Spane asked why she was here, she said "Well, if you guys come over to my house, you complain, so I thought it I came here - you wouldn't."

I made Bloody Margarets for us. They were delicious. Amber and I took some time talking about things that mothers talk about, and then she said she needed to go home to her own family.

This entire time, Spane had been playing on the computer. I liked those Bloody Margarets so much that I decided I should blog about them right away so I wouldn't forget how to make them. Spane did not want to get off the computer.

I told him that he needed to go to bed, that it was tiem for little children to be in bed. He defiantly told me no, and I tried to pull him off the computer.

I am ashamed at myself. In some way, Spane managed to get into a position where my hands were around his neck, and God forgive me, I squeezed just a little until he told me to stop.

There was a lot of yelling and screaming. His head hurt, my patience was wearing really thin. It was very, very tiring, and when I finally got Spane to bed, it was nearly two am.

I am tired and I want my child back!