Ungracious Host

I haven't been writing here for a while, because everything has been going pretty smoothly up to this point.

Spane has a friend, Leo, that he likes very much. Leo and he are the same age. He also has a friend named Mateo, that he also likes. Mateo is also an only child, and is a year younger than Spane. So, I thought it would be nice if we could have a Kid's Christmas party, and Spane invited Leo and Mateo and Noelle. He also invited David G. and his sister, Helen, but they couldn't make it.

When Mateo's mother dropped him off, she warned him that he had to do everything I said, and that he had to be a good boy.  I wondered at the time why she would say something like that because Mateo is such a sweet boy.

Everything was going just fine until Mateo took Spane's Lego helicopter and started playing with it, without asking Spane's permission first. Spane got very upset. I told him he was not being a nice host, and then I got all the kids together, and told Mateo that we really liked him, but could he please ask before he used something. Mateo apologized but, Spane would not accept the apology.  Mateo kept playing with the Lego helicopter.

He actually managed to scare both Leo and Mateo with screaming and accusing.  Poor Mateo had to hide in the bathroom.    Both Noelle and Zeik tried to reason with him, but to no avail.

Finally, John arrived and I thought maybe things would get better.  Instead they got worse.  He started hitting John, and kicking me.  Finally, while Amber took hold of his feet, John took hold of his arms and tried to calm him down.  I went inside to tell Mateo that I was going to call his mother to pick him up - but that it was not his fault.

Leo's mother arrived and took Leo home.  I don't think that Leo will ever be coming over here again.  Spane was so horrible.  If I were Leo's mother, I would not let my child come around Spane at all - and I told Spane that.

After everyone but John left, he kept on going on about how bad a parent I am and how he wants new parents.  He slammed the bathroom door repeatedly. At one point I asked him how he would feel if he had a parent that beat him all the time, was drunk all the time, and yelled at him all the time, that left him alone, didn't feed him much.  He said that even though I wasn't any of those things, I might as well be because I was such a bad parent.  The last thing he said to me was that my Christmas present sucked.  John asked me what I was getting him for Christmas and I said, "Not a damned thing."

I mean it, too.  I'll put things under the tree from Santa, but there will be nothing from Mommy.

I'm sitting here typing this.  He's playing with John, still not quite right, still angry, but much calmer than earlier. He has not apologized, or even acknowledged that he hurt me.  I'm very, very hurt.  I know I'm a good parent, and I know he loves me very much, and I know he thinks that I am a good mother.  But, what he said has hurt me to the quick.  I'm done.

A while later, Amber called me and asked if I still wanted to make the roll-out cookies.  I asked Spane if he wanted to, and he said, yes he did.  Then I told him that he needed to say he was sorry to a whole bunch of people.  I made him get on the phone and personally apologize to Mateo and Amber.  Then he apologized to me, and John.

Amber came back with Noelle and Mateo.  Spane and Mateo started at it again, and John told them both to stop.  Mateo wanted to spend the night at Amber's, and Spane wanted to as well.  The deal was that Spane and Mateo had to be nice to each other or Spane would have to stay home.

At one point, Amber took me aside and told me that she was watching Mateo push Spane's buttons.  I felt really bad, because all this time, I thought it was Spane being a bad host.  Now I know why Mateo's mother said what she said.  Apparently, Mateo gets attention by pushing buttons - that's not a good thing.  I feel terrible now, because Spane kept on saying that no one believed him.  I really was being a bad parent because I wasn't listening to my child enough.

I want to discuss this with Spane's therapist on Wednesday.  I want to see if there might be some kind of social skills or anger management class Spane could go to.  If he had been able to tell us what was really wrong, maybe some of this could have been avoided.  The other thing Spane needs to learn is how to deal with button pushers.  Hey, I'd take that class, too.  I've got very sensitive buttons myself.

The Douglas is a Dick Show

For those of you who have been following the Douglas is a Dick show, he called me tonight and bragged that he had just come back from Nevada, where he won a bunch of money, but he went shopping and spent it all. I just kept saying "that's nice", "that's nice".

Douglas is a Dick

Douglas is being a real dick. He's trying to scare me by saying that he's going to put Spane into foster care. That's his solution to not having to pay child support. Well, at least Spane has now seen what a true prick his father is. I think my next step might be a restraining order. That'll fix him!

Dinner with Douglas

Douglas told me that he would match me half way if I could come up with half of the money for the power bill.  Yesterday, I just paid it.  Of course, now I have no rent money.

Douglas called and said that he and Pauly wanted to take Spane to dinner at Elaina's.  I found it interesting that he didn't bother to ask me how he could be talking to me on the phone, considering my phone requires an Internet connection.

When we got to Elaina's Douglas finally asked me about the electricity situation.  I think he figured that if I had turned it on, he wouldn't have to give me any money.  He said that since I had already paid it, he had no intention of giving me any money at all.  Then he said he was happy that we would get evicted.

Spane started looking upset, and I tried to reassure him.  I told him that even if we had to more, it would still be okay, he'd probably go to a new school, and make new friends.  I was trying to put a positive drape over a potential disaster.

Spane got more upset, and went under the table.  That's what children so when they want to get away from unpleasant situations.  Pauly and Douglas kept telling him to sit back at the table, and said to leave Spane alone and let him deal with his emotions in his own way.  Finally, when Pauly threatened to leave, Spane got up and sat down.

When the food came, even though Spane was hungry, he picked at his food. He loves Elaina's chicken kabob, and he was just picking at it.  I could tell that he was upset, and then Douglas looks at him and asks:

"So what size tent do you want?  You're going to be homeless.  I'm going to make sure you are taken away from your mother and put into foster care."

That sent Spane over the edge.  I don't blame him, it sent me over the edge, too.  I took Spane's hand and told Pauly and Douglas that I was going to take him outside because he wasn't behaving right.

Of course, when we got outside, I hugged Spane and said he didn't do anything wrong, that I just had needed an excuse to get him out of there.  Spane was beside himself, crying and yelling that he hated his father, and never wanted to see him again.  I was tempted to take Spane home, but I knew if I did that I would never see money from Douglas, and I needed it to pay rent.

They finally came out, we got in the car, and drove back to our house silently.  When we got back to the house, Pauly whispered to me that Douglas had the money with him - I knew he did.  I said to Douglas:

"I've known you for 12 years, and in all that time you have never reneged on a promise.  You told me that you would meet me half way, are you now going to break your promise?"

Reluctantly, he handed me the money, then screamed that he would never see us again.

As Spane and I walked into the house, I said to myself, "On the contrary, you will be seeing me in court!"

Powerless

I can't believe this happened.  I forgot to pay the electric bill, and when I came home from dropping Spane off at school, the electricity was out.  Not only that, I won't get any money until the 2nd of December.  We're looking at four days of no power.

It's a good thing I have some kind of survivalist thinking.  I put all the perishables in Amber's refrigerator, and I'll probably be spending at lot of time over there, trying to get funds together before the 2nd.

Of course, Douglas is being of no help.  You know, if he had consistently given me some kind of child support, this wouldn't be happening.  I realize he doesn't have a regular job, but then he calls me and says that he's just come back from Tahoe, and won all this money -  or he just got through doing this big job, and has all this money.  None of it finds its way into our house, except for the occasional ice cream for Spane.  Well, it doesn't surprise me at all, after all this is the person who said that he was going to kill me and get Spane into foster care as soon as he was born.

Spane the Ladies Man

As I sit here typing this, Spane is next door with his friend, a little girl. He must like her a lot because:

• He gave her his scooter when hers was in the shop
• He gave her his bicycle to ride because hers is in the shop, so he's doing the scooter.
• Over heard him say "Come over to my house and see my cat." (See my etchings?)
• Impressed her saying "Watch how can drink all this milk in two seconds!" She was duly impressed.
• Didn't want to take a shower because he would not be able to make sure she was okay riding his bicycle.
• Puts up with playing girly stuffed animals with her.

Dad is Taking us to Dinner

Thursday, August 25, 2011, we were supposed to go to a small meeting for Organizing for America, but Douglas called and said that he and Pauly wanted to go to Josephina's. I'm sorry, but that is something I will just not pass up. I love the chicken, and I could eat that rice pilaf every day. Seriously.

When we got to the restaurant, I noticed that Douglas was a little quieter than usual. Pauly had his two cents to put in about how Spane's problem must be because he had fallen on his head. I calmly explained that:

1. Dandy Walker Syndrome is congenital (you're born with it)
2. Dandy Walker Syndrome is genetic (you get it from one of your parents)
3. Spane has not fallen on his head

After dinner, they took us home, and Spane was pretty good about going to bed on time, especially since he knew that Friday, August 26, 2011, we were going out with his Dad for Back to School shopping.

I should have known that Douglas being quiet like that was a portent of things to come.

And Now For Something Completely Different...

Here's the video of Rolo sleeping on the keyboard that Spane wanted her to see:

I Can't Take It Anymore

Dad Reassures Me

I went to sleep about 5:00 am this morning, thinking I could sleep in a little. How silly of me to think that! The phone rang at 7:45 and it was Douglas calling from Lake Tahoe. He wanted to know how everything was, and wanted to say that he was going to be getting Spane's back to school clothes. I told him about the Seroquel not working, and he said that his medication was like that, too. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. He wasn't happy to hear that news, but I told him I felt reassured.

We Make Waffles

When I woke Spane up at 10:30, and asked him what he wanted to breakfast, he said waffles, and I said that was fine. Then he fell asleep on the couch, and I didn't think about it until he started to complain about why they were not done. I told him that I had been waiting for him to wake up so he could help me, since he really likes to help make waffles. Finally after a lot of whining, he joined me in the kitchen and we made the waffles.

I made a large batch, thinking I could freeze some for school day breakfasts. I was going to just wrap them in waxed paper when I realized I had a Ziplock pump vacuum sealer and bags, just enough for the four pieces of waffle we had left over.

I have a blog, The Good Plate, that is becoming popular where I talk about the recipes I have made. I use my web cam, so I have to take the food to my desk if I want to take pictures or make videos. I have a white plastic table cloth that I put on top of the desk, and my pictures actually turn out pretty good.

So, I had the waffles with wax paper, and the vacuum bag, and the pump on top of the tablecloth. Spane came up and grabbed the pump and started to play with it. I told him to give it back to me because I was going to make a video, and he could help, but he refused to give it back. He pumped it over and over again, always keeping it just out of my reach. Then started trying to put it on Rolo, and that's when I lost it and actually yelled at him.

I finally got the thing away from him, and told him he was grounded. No bicycle, no television - only coloring or reading. Then I set up my stuff and made my video - with him whining all the way through it.

The sound was a disaster, and it made Spane laugh really hard. I haven't done anything else to the video because there were too many other things I had to do today. But, it made us smile again. I told Spane he could use his scooter since he was grounded for the bicycle.

Spane Finds a Nest

I was working on the computer when Spane came up to me and said that he had found a bug in the kitchen. My knife block is right by the front door, and sure enough there was a nest of beetles that were living under my knife block. I sprayed bleach on them, and washed everything on the counter in steaming hot water. Then I put eucalyptus drops to discourage any other bugs from coming into my kitchen.

I Have to Fix the Printer

My printer stopped communicating with my computer a few months ago. This was not a big deal to me, because I never have to print, and if I do want to print something, I print it to PDF and save it. After a lot of frustration, pulling on cords, reinstalling and rebooting, two hours later, I finally got the thing to work!

It was a really draining day, and I couldn't think of what to do for dinner. There was nothing in the freezer that looked appetizing or quick, but, there was a can of Chicken a la King in the cupboard that I prepared with fettuccine and Parmesan. It was really good!

Spane Starts Getting Strange

I should have realized the signs when Spane insisted and waiting to talk with the neighbor. He really likes Orlando, and they have conversations together. He's a nice man. When Spane came in, I told him he needed to clean up his toys in the living room. He immediately started complaining that it was too difficult, I always made him do everything, etc., etc.

He had a DVD and tape laying on the floor. I picked them both up and said if he didn't care about them, then I might as well throw them out. He tried to get them out of my hand, but I eventually got to the trash can. I had no intention of actually throwing them out, and I told him that since he did not know how to take care of his things, then he needed to lose them for a week. I put the stuff on the highest shelf in the kitchen.

That's when Spane really got mad and threw all his shoes at me. These were the shoes that John Farion bought, so he threw six shoes at me. Finally, I got away from him, and got to the phone. I started dialing 911, but he begged me not to do it.

The Headaches and Voices Are Really Bad, Mom

I told Spane that I couldn't take it anymore. It was just too much. I said that we had to do something, that he had to fight the voices. He said that if he didn't do what the voices said, his headaches just got much worse. It was really bad tonight, even though I gave him a 300mg Ibuprofen along with his 50 mg Seraquel after dinner.

I really don't know what to do at this point. I am afraid one of us is going to seriously hurt the other. Maybe I should go away at night, or maybe have someone here at night. I don't know, I just don't know.