John was supposed to come over on Monday, but it rained so he did not. He decided to come by on Tuesday instead. He was coming to see Spane and make some meals for himself. His kitchen is tiny, and my kitchen has a big table that is perfect for preparing lots of different foods. I use it when I'm making Chicken Croquetas or Roll Out Cookies.
John was there when Spane came home and Spane was excited to see him. When I say excited, I mean excited. Homework is supposed to be done after school, after getting a snack. I asked Spane if he had started his homework, and he said his homework was in Heaven, as he ran around the house. I told him he needed to start his homework, and he said that he had left the homework at school.
This has happened a few times, so I really had no reason to think this time was different. I opened his backpack, just to check, found something that looked like it might be homework and asked him about it. He said it was something else entirely, and that he had definitely left the homework as school. I said okay, then that's that.
Since it was a Tuesday, Spane gets to stay up a little later because he doesn't have to be to school until 9:00 on Wednesdays. At 9:30, I reminded him that he needed to get into his pajamas so he would be ready for bed on time.
He flatly refused. I insisted. At some point in this argument, Spane started hitting me, and just got completely out of control. I threatened to call the police, he said fine, very defiantly, and so I did.
Of course, he was frightened when he realized I had actually done it. He knows that the police can take him into foster care if they think I am an unfit mother. Not being able to get my child into bed could conceivably be grounds for that - but I was desperate.
When the police came, Spane was still not in his pajamas, and was standing on the stoop with a bit of attitude. The police asked what was going on, I told them about the Dandy Walker syndrome, that Spane would not go to bed, and that he was getting violent. They had a nice talk with him, and basically told him that it was not their job to come out and get him to bed, and that I was his mother, and he needed to do what I told him to do.
I finally got him to go to bed, but I was thinking that only one Seroquel was not doing its job. It seemed we were going backward instead of forward.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Seeing Red
Spane's psychiatrist is Anita Red. She's a wonderful doctor, and very concerned about Spane. When I left a message with Spane's therapist, Clara, that the voices were back despite the Seroquel, Dr. Red called me and said to bring Spane in.
Her first concern was for the Seroquel itself, since it really isn't a good drug. It leads to obesity, diabetes and other nasty things. At the time, the blood work that Spane's pediatrician had done was still not in Dr. Red's hands. I called his pediatrician's office and asked them to fax his medical records over. I am amazed at how many information releases I have signed, for both doctors, for CHLA, for the SSI attorney, even for the school!
Because of the Seroquel issue, Dr. Red said that she wanted to reduce it down to one a day. Then she said she wanted us to come back in two weeks to see how it went.
Her first concern was for the Seroquel itself, since it really isn't a good drug. It leads to obesity, diabetes and other nasty things. At the time, the blood work that Spane's pediatrician had done was still not in Dr. Red's hands. I called his pediatrician's office and asked them to fax his medical records over. I am amazed at how many information releases I have signed, for both doctors, for CHLA, for the SSI attorney, even for the school!
Because of the Seroquel issue, Dr. Red said that she wanted to reduce it down to one a day. Then she said she wanted us to come back in two weeks to see how it went.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
They're Baaaack
Saturday, when John came over, Spane was acting very strangely, and most uncooperatively. I looked at his eyes, and they seemed to be rolling around in his head. I asked him if he were hearing voices, and he said "Yes, Mommy".
This morning, when I asked him if his headaches were getting worse, he said yes they were.
So, this afternoon, I took him to his pediatrician. The good thing is, there are only 10 voices, not the usual 50. His pediatrician hasn't gotten the results back from the MRI Spane had on the 27th of December, and she also wants to talk to his psychiatrist to determine next steps, if any.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Ungracious Host
I haven't been writing here for a while, because everything has been going pretty smoothly up to this point.
Spane has a friend, Leo, that he likes very much. Leo and he are the same age. He also has a friend named Mateo, that he also likes. Mateo is also an only child, and is a year younger than Spane. So, I thought it would be nice if we could have a Kid's Christmas party, and Spane invited Leo and Mateo and Noelle. He also invited David G. and his sister, Helen, but they couldn't make it.
When Mateo's mother dropped him off, she warned him that he had to do everything I said, and that he had to be a good boy. I wondered at the time why she would say something like that because Mateo is such a sweet boy.
Everything was going just fine until Mateo took Spane's Lego helicopter and started playing with it, without asking Spane's permission first. Spane got very upset. I told him he was not being a nice host, and then I got all the kids together, and told Mateo that we really liked him, but could he please ask before he used something. Mateo apologized but, Spane would not accept the apology. Mateo kept playing with the Lego helicopter.
He actually managed to scare both Leo and Mateo with screaming and accusing. Poor Mateo had to hide in the bathroom. Both Noelle and Zeik tried to reason with him, but to no avail.
Finally, John arrived and I thought maybe things would get better. Instead they got worse. He started hitting John, and kicking me. Finally, while Amber took hold of his feet, John took hold of his arms and tried to calm him down. I went inside to tell Mateo that I was going to call his mother to pick him up - but that it was not his fault.
Leo's mother arrived and took Leo home. I don't think that Leo will ever be coming over here again. Spane was so horrible. If I were Leo's mother, I would not let my child come around Spane at all - and I told Spane that.
After everyone but John left, he kept on going on about how bad a parent I am and how he wants new parents. He slammed the bathroom door repeatedly. At one point I asked him how he would feel if he had a parent that beat him all the time, was drunk all the time, and yelled at him all the time, that left him alone, didn't feed him much. He said that even though I wasn't any of those things, I might as well be because I was such a bad parent. The last thing he said to me was that my Christmas present sucked. John asked me what I was getting him for Christmas and I said, "Not a damned thing."
I mean it, too. I'll put things under the tree from Santa, but there will be nothing from Mommy.
I'm sitting here typing this. He's playing with John, still not quite right, still angry, but much calmer than earlier. He has not apologized, or even acknowledged that he hurt me. I'm very, very hurt. I know I'm a good parent, and I know he loves me very much, and I know he thinks that I am a good mother. But, what he said has hurt me to the quick. I'm done.
A while later, Amber called me and asked if I still wanted to make the roll-out cookies. I asked Spane if he wanted to, and he said, yes he did. Then I told him that he needed to say he was sorry to a whole bunch of people. I made him get on the phone and personally apologize to Mateo and Amber. Then he apologized to me, and John.
Amber came back with Noelle and Mateo. Spane and Mateo started at it again, and John told them both to stop. Mateo wanted to spend the night at Amber's, and Spane wanted to as well. The deal was that Spane and Mateo had to be nice to each other or Spane would have to stay home.
At one point, Amber took me aside and told me that she was watching Mateo push Spane's buttons. I felt really bad, because all this time, I thought it was Spane being a bad host. Now I know why Mateo's mother said what she said. Apparently, Mateo gets attention by pushing buttons - that's not a good thing. I feel terrible now, because Spane kept on saying that no one believed him. I really was being a bad parent because I wasn't listening to my child enough.
I want to discuss this with Spane's therapist on Wednesday. I want to see if there might be some kind of social skills or anger management class Spane could go to. If he had been able to tell us what was really wrong, maybe some of this could have been avoided. The other thing Spane needs to learn is how to deal with button pushers. Hey, I'd take that class, too. I've got very sensitive buttons myself.
Spane has a friend, Leo, that he likes very much. Leo and he are the same age. He also has a friend named Mateo, that he also likes. Mateo is also an only child, and is a year younger than Spane. So, I thought it would be nice if we could have a Kid's Christmas party, and Spane invited Leo and Mateo and Noelle. He also invited David G. and his sister, Helen, but they couldn't make it.
When Mateo's mother dropped him off, she warned him that he had to do everything I said, and that he had to be a good boy. I wondered at the time why she would say something like that because Mateo is such a sweet boy.
Everything was going just fine until Mateo took Spane's Lego helicopter and started playing with it, without asking Spane's permission first. Spane got very upset. I told him he was not being a nice host, and then I got all the kids together, and told Mateo that we really liked him, but could he please ask before he used something. Mateo apologized but, Spane would not accept the apology. Mateo kept playing with the Lego helicopter.
He actually managed to scare both Leo and Mateo with screaming and accusing. Poor Mateo had to hide in the bathroom. Both Noelle and Zeik tried to reason with him, but to no avail.
Finally, John arrived and I thought maybe things would get better. Instead they got worse. He started hitting John, and kicking me. Finally, while Amber took hold of his feet, John took hold of his arms and tried to calm him down. I went inside to tell Mateo that I was going to call his mother to pick him up - but that it was not his fault.
Leo's mother arrived and took Leo home. I don't think that Leo will ever be coming over here again. Spane was so horrible. If I were Leo's mother, I would not let my child come around Spane at all - and I told Spane that.
After everyone but John left, he kept on going on about how bad a parent I am and how he wants new parents. He slammed the bathroom door repeatedly. At one point I asked him how he would feel if he had a parent that beat him all the time, was drunk all the time, and yelled at him all the time, that left him alone, didn't feed him much. He said that even though I wasn't any of those things, I might as well be because I was such a bad parent. The last thing he said to me was that my Christmas present sucked. John asked me what I was getting him for Christmas and I said, "Not a damned thing."
I mean it, too. I'll put things under the tree from Santa, but there will be nothing from Mommy.
I'm sitting here typing this. He's playing with John, still not quite right, still angry, but much calmer than earlier. He has not apologized, or even acknowledged that he hurt me. I'm very, very hurt. I know I'm a good parent, and I know he loves me very much, and I know he thinks that I am a good mother. But, what he said has hurt me to the quick. I'm done.
A while later, Amber called me and asked if I still wanted to make the roll-out cookies. I asked Spane if he wanted to, and he said, yes he did. Then I told him that he needed to say he was sorry to a whole bunch of people. I made him get on the phone and personally apologize to Mateo and Amber. Then he apologized to me, and John.
Amber came back with Noelle and Mateo. Spane and Mateo started at it again, and John told them both to stop. Mateo wanted to spend the night at Amber's, and Spane wanted to as well. The deal was that Spane and Mateo had to be nice to each other or Spane would have to stay home.
At one point, Amber took me aside and told me that she was watching Mateo push Spane's buttons. I felt really bad, because all this time, I thought it was Spane being a bad host. Now I know why Mateo's mother said what she said. Apparently, Mateo gets attention by pushing buttons - that's not a good thing. I feel terrible now, because Spane kept on saying that no one believed him. I really was being a bad parent because I wasn't listening to my child enough.
I want to discuss this with Spane's therapist on Wednesday. I want to see if there might be some kind of social skills or anger management class Spane could go to. If he had been able to tell us what was really wrong, maybe some of this could have been avoided. The other thing Spane needs to learn is how to deal with button pushers. Hey, I'd take that class, too. I've got very sensitive buttons myself.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
The Douglas is a Dick Show
For those of you who have been following the Douglas is a Dick show, he called me tonight and bragged that he had just come back from Nevada, where he won a bunch of money, but he went shopping and spent it all. I just kept saying "that's nice", "that's nice".
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Douglas is a Dick
Douglas is being a real dick. He's trying to scare me by saying that he's going to put Spane into foster care. That's his solution to not having to pay child support. Well, at least Spane has now seen what a true prick his father is. I think my next step might be a restraining order. That'll fix him!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Dinner with Douglas
Douglas told me that he would match me half way if I could come up with half of the money for the power bill. Yesterday, I just paid it. Of course, now I have no rent money.
Douglas called and said that he and Pauly wanted to take Spane to dinner at Elaina's. I found it interesting that he didn't bother to ask me how he could be talking to me on the phone, considering my phone requires an Internet connection.
When we got to Elaina's Douglas finally asked me about the electricity situation. I think he figured that if I had turned it on, he wouldn't have to give me any money. He said that since I had already paid it, he had no intention of giving me any money at all. Then he said he was happy that we would get evicted.
Spane started looking upset, and I tried to reassure him. I told him that even if we had to more, it would still be okay, he'd probably go to a new school, and make new friends. I was trying to put a positive drape over a potential disaster.
Spane got more upset, and went under the table. That's what children so when they want to get away from unpleasant situations. Pauly and Douglas kept telling him to sit back at the table, and said to leave Spane alone and let him deal with his emotions in his own way. Finally, when Pauly threatened to leave, Spane got up and sat down.
When the food came, even though Spane was hungry, he picked at his food. He loves Elaina's chicken kabob, and he was just picking at it. I could tell that he was upset, and then Douglas looks at him and asks:
"So what size tent do you want? You're going to be homeless. I'm going to make sure you are taken away from your mother and put into foster care."
That sent Spane over the edge. I don't blame him, it sent me over the edge, too. I took Spane's hand and told Pauly and Douglas that I was going to take him outside because he wasn't behaving right.
Of course, when we got outside, I hugged Spane and said he didn't do anything wrong, that I just had needed an excuse to get him out of there. Spane was beside himself, crying and yelling that he hated his father, and never wanted to see him again. I was tempted to take Spane home, but I knew if I did that I would never see money from Douglas, and I needed it to pay rent.
They finally came out, we got in the car, and drove back to our house silently. When we got back to the house, Pauly whispered to me that Douglas had the money with him - I knew he did. I said to Douglas:
"I've known you for 12 years, and in all that time you have never reneged on a promise. You told me that you would meet me half way, are you now going to break your promise?"
Reluctantly, he handed me the money, then screamed that he would never see us again.
As Spane and I walked into the house, I said to myself, "On the contrary, you will be seeing me in court!"
Douglas called and said that he and Pauly wanted to take Spane to dinner at Elaina's. I found it interesting that he didn't bother to ask me how he could be talking to me on the phone, considering my phone requires an Internet connection.
When we got to Elaina's Douglas finally asked me about the electricity situation. I think he figured that if I had turned it on, he wouldn't have to give me any money. He said that since I had already paid it, he had no intention of giving me any money at all. Then he said he was happy that we would get evicted.
Spane started looking upset, and I tried to reassure him. I told him that even if we had to more, it would still be okay, he'd probably go to a new school, and make new friends. I was trying to put a positive drape over a potential disaster.
Spane got more upset, and went under the table. That's what children so when they want to get away from unpleasant situations. Pauly and Douglas kept telling him to sit back at the table, and said to leave Spane alone and let him deal with his emotions in his own way. Finally, when Pauly threatened to leave, Spane got up and sat down.
When the food came, even though Spane was hungry, he picked at his food. He loves Elaina's chicken kabob, and he was just picking at it. I could tell that he was upset, and then Douglas looks at him and asks:
"So what size tent do you want? You're going to be homeless. I'm going to make sure you are taken away from your mother and put into foster care."
That sent Spane over the edge. I don't blame him, it sent me over the edge, too. I took Spane's hand and told Pauly and Douglas that I was going to take him outside because he wasn't behaving right.
Of course, when we got outside, I hugged Spane and said he didn't do anything wrong, that I just had needed an excuse to get him out of there. Spane was beside himself, crying and yelling that he hated his father, and never wanted to see him again. I was tempted to take Spane home, but I knew if I did that I would never see money from Douglas, and I needed it to pay rent.
They finally came out, we got in the car, and drove back to our house silently. When we got back to the house, Pauly whispered to me that Douglas had the money with him - I knew he did. I said to Douglas:
"I've known you for 12 years, and in all that time you have never reneged on a promise. You told me that you would meet me half way, are you now going to break your promise?"
Reluctantly, he handed me the money, then screamed that he would never see us again.
As Spane and I walked into the house, I said to myself, "On the contrary, you will be seeing me in court!"
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