Spane and I took the first bus after school to get to his 4 pm appointment with his therapist. As luck would have it, we arrived about 15 minutes early, and I suggested we go to the Good Will store across the street to kill that little bit of time.
I found a couple of books to read, and as I was checking out, across the counter one of the clerks had put a laptop on the counter. It was a Hello Kitty laptop with Hello Kitty all over it. It looked horrible, but I went and looked at it anyway.
The clerk said the only thing wrong with it was that it would not hold a charge, but I could get a battery on Amazon very inexpensively. Since I had not gotten Spane a great Christmas present, and we did not go to Nevada for the Caucuses as I had hoped for his birthday, I told him the computer was both his birthday and Christmas present. He was thrilled.
When we got to the therapist, I was sitting there talking to her, and fiddling with the top, when I discovered that the Hello Kitty was only contact paper! I just peeled it off, and now Spane has a spiffy looking Compaq notebook computer!
Of course, that means some parental choices are going to have to be made. It's a WinXP Home edition, so it can't use Family Safety. I had to find another way around that, and posted the solution to it at winxp-home-how-parents-can-set-up-time-restrictions. It's a wonderful thing, and a wonderful parenting tool.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Back to Two
Douglas called last night and said that he and Pauly were going to be in Glendale, and he wanted to see Spane. As I was on my way to pick Spane up, Douglas called me on my cell and said that he was at a restaurant, and that he would pay for a cab for Spane and I to meet him. I told him I would ask Spane how he felt about it. I'm amazed that he hasn't gotten the faintest clue that he hurt his child so much when he threatened Spane with foster care.
When I picked up Spane, I did ask him how he felt about it, and he said, "Mommy, I don't want to see Douglas. Not after he wanted to know how big of a tent I want. I never want to see him again."
I told him he needed to tell his father that himself, because I didn't want Douglas to think that I was refusing to let Spane see him. I don't want Douglas to have anything he could possibly use against me in court.
We went to the park, and waited for Amber or Stevie to come by. I wanted a credible witness when Spane called his father, and also someone who Spane trusted. I handed the phone to Spane, and Stevie said to Spane, "Listen just tell him you have homework or something". A second later, Spane said at the top of his lungs "DON'T COME HERE. I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!", and he hung up the phone. He said he had gotten voice mail.
As Spane and I sat eating dinner, Spane said to me, "Mommy, just one Seroquel isn't working for me. Please, can I have two?"
Tonight, I called and left a message with Spane's therapist that I was giving him two Seroquels. Well, at least it's not three the way it used to be.
When I picked up Spane, I did ask him how he felt about it, and he said, "Mommy, I don't want to see Douglas. Not after he wanted to know how big of a tent I want. I never want to see him again."
I told him he needed to tell his father that himself, because I didn't want Douglas to think that I was refusing to let Spane see him. I don't want Douglas to have anything he could possibly use against me in court.
We went to the park, and waited for Amber or Stevie to come by. I wanted a credible witness when Spane called his father, and also someone who Spane trusted. I handed the phone to Spane, and Stevie said to Spane, "Listen just tell him you have homework or something". A second later, Spane said at the top of his lungs "DON'T COME HERE. I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!", and he hung up the phone. He said he had gotten voice mail.
As Spane and I sat eating dinner, Spane said to me, "Mommy, just one Seroquel isn't working for me. Please, can I have two?"
Tonight, I called and left a message with Spane's therapist that I was giving him two Seroquels. Well, at least it's not three the way it used to be.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Glendale's Finest
John was supposed to come over on Monday, but it rained so he did not. He decided to come by on Tuesday instead. He was coming to see Spane and make some meals for himself. His kitchen is tiny, and my kitchen has a big table that is perfect for preparing lots of different foods. I use it when I'm making Chicken Croquetas or Roll Out Cookies.
John was there when Spane came home and Spane was excited to see him. When I say excited, I mean excited. Homework is supposed to be done after school, after getting a snack. I asked Spane if he had started his homework, and he said his homework was in Heaven, as he ran around the house. I told him he needed to start his homework, and he said that he had left the homework at school.
This has happened a few times, so I really had no reason to think this time was different. I opened his backpack, just to check, found something that looked like it might be homework and asked him about it. He said it was something else entirely, and that he had definitely left the homework as school. I said okay, then that's that.
Since it was a Tuesday, Spane gets to stay up a little later because he doesn't have to be to school until 9:00 on Wednesdays. At 9:30, I reminded him that he needed to get into his pajamas so he would be ready for bed on time.
He flatly refused. I insisted. At some point in this argument, Spane started hitting me, and just got completely out of control. I threatened to call the police, he said fine, very defiantly, and so I did.
Of course, he was frightened when he realized I had actually done it. He knows that the police can take him into foster care if they think I am an unfit mother. Not being able to get my child into bed could conceivably be grounds for that - but I was desperate.
When the police came, Spane was still not in his pajamas, and was standing on the stoop with a bit of attitude. The police asked what was going on, I told them about the Dandy Walker syndrome, that Spane would not go to bed, and that he was getting violent. They had a nice talk with him, and basically told him that it was not their job to come out and get him to bed, and that I was his mother, and he needed to do what I told him to do.
I finally got him to go to bed, but I was thinking that only one Seroquel was not doing its job. It seemed we were going backward instead of forward.
John was there when Spane came home and Spane was excited to see him. When I say excited, I mean excited. Homework is supposed to be done after school, after getting a snack. I asked Spane if he had started his homework, and he said his homework was in Heaven, as he ran around the house. I told him he needed to start his homework, and he said that he had left the homework at school.
This has happened a few times, so I really had no reason to think this time was different. I opened his backpack, just to check, found something that looked like it might be homework and asked him about it. He said it was something else entirely, and that he had definitely left the homework as school. I said okay, then that's that.
Since it was a Tuesday, Spane gets to stay up a little later because he doesn't have to be to school until 9:00 on Wednesdays. At 9:30, I reminded him that he needed to get into his pajamas so he would be ready for bed on time.
He flatly refused. I insisted. At some point in this argument, Spane started hitting me, and just got completely out of control. I threatened to call the police, he said fine, very defiantly, and so I did.
Of course, he was frightened when he realized I had actually done it. He knows that the police can take him into foster care if they think I am an unfit mother. Not being able to get my child into bed could conceivably be grounds for that - but I was desperate.
When the police came, Spane was still not in his pajamas, and was standing on the stoop with a bit of attitude. The police asked what was going on, I told them about the Dandy Walker syndrome, that Spane would not go to bed, and that he was getting violent. They had a nice talk with him, and basically told him that it was not their job to come out and get him to bed, and that I was his mother, and he needed to do what I told him to do.
I finally got him to go to bed, but I was thinking that only one Seroquel was not doing its job. It seemed we were going backward instead of forward.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Seeing Red
Spane's psychiatrist is Anita Red. She's a wonderful doctor, and very concerned about Spane. When I left a message with Spane's therapist, Clara, that the voices were back despite the Seroquel, Dr. Red called me and said to bring Spane in.
Her first concern was for the Seroquel itself, since it really isn't a good drug. It leads to obesity, diabetes and other nasty things. At the time, the blood work that Spane's pediatrician had done was still not in Dr. Red's hands. I called his pediatrician's office and asked them to fax his medical records over. I am amazed at how many information releases I have signed, for both doctors, for CHLA, for the SSI attorney, even for the school!
Because of the Seroquel issue, Dr. Red said that she wanted to reduce it down to one a day. Then she said she wanted us to come back in two weeks to see how it went.
Her first concern was for the Seroquel itself, since it really isn't a good drug. It leads to obesity, diabetes and other nasty things. At the time, the blood work that Spane's pediatrician had done was still not in Dr. Red's hands. I called his pediatrician's office and asked them to fax his medical records over. I am amazed at how many information releases I have signed, for both doctors, for CHLA, for the SSI attorney, even for the school!
Because of the Seroquel issue, Dr. Red said that she wanted to reduce it down to one a day. Then she said she wanted us to come back in two weeks to see how it went.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
They're Baaaack
Saturday, when John came over, Spane was acting very strangely, and most uncooperatively. I looked at his eyes, and they seemed to be rolling around in his head. I asked him if he were hearing voices, and he said "Yes, Mommy".
This morning, when I asked him if his headaches were getting worse, he said yes they were.
So, this afternoon, I took him to his pediatrician. The good thing is, there are only 10 voices, not the usual 50. His pediatrician hasn't gotten the results back from the MRI Spane had on the 27th of December, and she also wants to talk to his psychiatrist to determine next steps, if any.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Ungracious Host
I haven't been writing here for a while, because everything has been going pretty smoothly up to this point.
Spane has a friend, Leo, that he likes very much. Leo and he are the same age. He also has a friend named Mateo, that he also likes. Mateo is also an only child, and is a year younger than Spane. So, I thought it would be nice if we could have a Kid's Christmas party, and Spane invited Leo and Mateo and Noelle. He also invited David G. and his sister, Helen, but they couldn't make it.
When Mateo's mother dropped him off, she warned him that he had to do everything I said, and that he had to be a good boy. I wondered at the time why she would say something like that because Mateo is such a sweet boy.
Everything was going just fine until Mateo took Spane's Lego helicopter and started playing with it, without asking Spane's permission first. Spane got very upset. I told him he was not being a nice host, and then I got all the kids together, and told Mateo that we really liked him, but could he please ask before he used something. Mateo apologized but, Spane would not accept the apology. Mateo kept playing with the Lego helicopter.
He actually managed to scare both Leo and Mateo with screaming and accusing. Poor Mateo had to hide in the bathroom. Both Noelle and Zeik tried to reason with him, but to no avail.
Finally, John arrived and I thought maybe things would get better. Instead they got worse. He started hitting John, and kicking me. Finally, while Amber took hold of his feet, John took hold of his arms and tried to calm him down. I went inside to tell Mateo that I was going to call his mother to pick him up - but that it was not his fault.
Leo's mother arrived and took Leo home. I don't think that Leo will ever be coming over here again. Spane was so horrible. If I were Leo's mother, I would not let my child come around Spane at all - and I told Spane that.
After everyone but John left, he kept on going on about how bad a parent I am and how he wants new parents. He slammed the bathroom door repeatedly. At one point I asked him how he would feel if he had a parent that beat him all the time, was drunk all the time, and yelled at him all the time, that left him alone, didn't feed him much. He said that even though I wasn't any of those things, I might as well be because I was such a bad parent. The last thing he said to me was that my Christmas present sucked. John asked me what I was getting him for Christmas and I said, "Not a damned thing."
I mean it, too. I'll put things under the tree from Santa, but there will be nothing from Mommy.
I'm sitting here typing this. He's playing with John, still not quite right, still angry, but much calmer than earlier. He has not apologized, or even acknowledged that he hurt me. I'm very, very hurt. I know I'm a good parent, and I know he loves me very much, and I know he thinks that I am a good mother. But, what he said has hurt me to the quick. I'm done.
A while later, Amber called me and asked if I still wanted to make the roll-out cookies. I asked Spane if he wanted to, and he said, yes he did. Then I told him that he needed to say he was sorry to a whole bunch of people. I made him get on the phone and personally apologize to Mateo and Amber. Then he apologized to me, and John.
Amber came back with Noelle and Mateo. Spane and Mateo started at it again, and John told them both to stop. Mateo wanted to spend the night at Amber's, and Spane wanted to as well. The deal was that Spane and Mateo had to be nice to each other or Spane would have to stay home.
At one point, Amber took me aside and told me that she was watching Mateo push Spane's buttons. I felt really bad, because all this time, I thought it was Spane being a bad host. Now I know why Mateo's mother said what she said. Apparently, Mateo gets attention by pushing buttons - that's not a good thing. I feel terrible now, because Spane kept on saying that no one believed him. I really was being a bad parent because I wasn't listening to my child enough.
I want to discuss this with Spane's therapist on Wednesday. I want to see if there might be some kind of social skills or anger management class Spane could go to. If he had been able to tell us what was really wrong, maybe some of this could have been avoided. The other thing Spane needs to learn is how to deal with button pushers. Hey, I'd take that class, too. I've got very sensitive buttons myself.
Spane has a friend, Leo, that he likes very much. Leo and he are the same age. He also has a friend named Mateo, that he also likes. Mateo is also an only child, and is a year younger than Spane. So, I thought it would be nice if we could have a Kid's Christmas party, and Spane invited Leo and Mateo and Noelle. He also invited David G. and his sister, Helen, but they couldn't make it.
When Mateo's mother dropped him off, she warned him that he had to do everything I said, and that he had to be a good boy. I wondered at the time why she would say something like that because Mateo is such a sweet boy.
Everything was going just fine until Mateo took Spane's Lego helicopter and started playing with it, without asking Spane's permission first. Spane got very upset. I told him he was not being a nice host, and then I got all the kids together, and told Mateo that we really liked him, but could he please ask before he used something. Mateo apologized but, Spane would not accept the apology. Mateo kept playing with the Lego helicopter.
He actually managed to scare both Leo and Mateo with screaming and accusing. Poor Mateo had to hide in the bathroom. Both Noelle and Zeik tried to reason with him, but to no avail.
Finally, John arrived and I thought maybe things would get better. Instead they got worse. He started hitting John, and kicking me. Finally, while Amber took hold of his feet, John took hold of his arms and tried to calm him down. I went inside to tell Mateo that I was going to call his mother to pick him up - but that it was not his fault.
Leo's mother arrived and took Leo home. I don't think that Leo will ever be coming over here again. Spane was so horrible. If I were Leo's mother, I would not let my child come around Spane at all - and I told Spane that.
After everyone but John left, he kept on going on about how bad a parent I am and how he wants new parents. He slammed the bathroom door repeatedly. At one point I asked him how he would feel if he had a parent that beat him all the time, was drunk all the time, and yelled at him all the time, that left him alone, didn't feed him much. He said that even though I wasn't any of those things, I might as well be because I was such a bad parent. The last thing he said to me was that my Christmas present sucked. John asked me what I was getting him for Christmas and I said, "Not a damned thing."
I mean it, too. I'll put things under the tree from Santa, but there will be nothing from Mommy.
I'm sitting here typing this. He's playing with John, still not quite right, still angry, but much calmer than earlier. He has not apologized, or even acknowledged that he hurt me. I'm very, very hurt. I know I'm a good parent, and I know he loves me very much, and I know he thinks that I am a good mother. But, what he said has hurt me to the quick. I'm done.
A while later, Amber called me and asked if I still wanted to make the roll-out cookies. I asked Spane if he wanted to, and he said, yes he did. Then I told him that he needed to say he was sorry to a whole bunch of people. I made him get on the phone and personally apologize to Mateo and Amber. Then he apologized to me, and John.
Amber came back with Noelle and Mateo. Spane and Mateo started at it again, and John told them both to stop. Mateo wanted to spend the night at Amber's, and Spane wanted to as well. The deal was that Spane and Mateo had to be nice to each other or Spane would have to stay home.
At one point, Amber took me aside and told me that she was watching Mateo push Spane's buttons. I felt really bad, because all this time, I thought it was Spane being a bad host. Now I know why Mateo's mother said what she said. Apparently, Mateo gets attention by pushing buttons - that's not a good thing. I feel terrible now, because Spane kept on saying that no one believed him. I really was being a bad parent because I wasn't listening to my child enough.
I want to discuss this with Spane's therapist on Wednesday. I want to see if there might be some kind of social skills or anger management class Spane could go to. If he had been able to tell us what was really wrong, maybe some of this could have been avoided. The other thing Spane needs to learn is how to deal with button pushers. Hey, I'd take that class, too. I've got very sensitive buttons myself.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
The Douglas is a Dick Show
For those of you who have been following the Douglas is a Dick show, he called me tonight and bragged that he had just come back from Nevada, where he won a bunch of money, but he went shopping and spent it all. I just kept saying "that's nice", "that's nice".
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